“No. Everything is a huge mess.”
She frowns sympathetically. “What can I do for you?”
“Could you just…listen for a minute?”
“Of course, Alex. Go ahead. I’m right here.”
Christ, she’s everything I could have been. Those sweet eyes, that wavy hair, those darling freckles—she just looks like America’s sweetheart. Everything about the way she looks at me and waits patiently tells me she doesn’t give a flying fuck about whether or not she’s popular. She just wants to help the people around her, the people she cares about most.
And I’m one of those people, aren’t I? I’m fucking luckier than a lot of people in this town.
After a few cleansing breaths, I let my lips part. “This is a mess,” I spew, “because I’m a mess, and I’ve been this way ever since my father died.”
“That’s understandable.”
“He left everything to me. I mean—” I close my eyes while trying to stifle a sob. “When my mother died, then everything was left to me. And Lev died right before then. That’s what really got this whole fucking thing going, you know? Lev was the only guy I knew who cared about me more than my body.”
She nods with empathy, extending her hand for me to hold. I grab it like it’s my only lifeline.
“He was such a brooding jerk, but he was compassionate, too. He didn’t want this whole Mafia lifestyle crap. He wanted to take me to England with him and build a family over there. Fuck, I would have totally had his kid.”
She looks happy for a second, like hearing me talk about something normal for once sparks joy in her. But that happiness quickly fades when a frown steals my mouth.
“God, it was all just some stupid dream,” I say with a sigh. “I was just a silly little girl with the kind of hopes and dreams normal kids have. I’m not even normal.” I look into her eyes. “Do I even look normal? This must sound crazy to you.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t think it sounds crazy at all. I think it sounds like you’re processing everything.”
“I feel crazy. Every time I lose someone, I just become that much more unhinged. How many times can I survive that, Evelyn? I don’t think I have enough marbles left to lose.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works.”
I smile tearfully. “I can’t lose you. Or Coach Neill. Please, I can’t lose either of you.”
“Alex, you’re not losing me.”
“It came so close to that.”
She chortles lightly. “I haven’t even gone anywhere. I’ve been home all day.”
“Did you hear about Coach Neill? How she was kidnapped?” I watch as the color drains from her face. “I just paid the stupid ransom and told her to get the hell out of Dodge. And she refuses. She wants to stick around.”
“Fuck, that’s wild.”
I shake my head. “It’s ridiculous, Evelyn. I can’t let the same thing happen to you. I need you to promise me that you’ll learn self-defense.”
“I think you’re overreacting.”
“And I think you’re taking this too lightly.”
She squeezes my hand hard, making me meet her gaze. The way the light bends over the windshield of the car shines a light on the left side of her body, making her glow like an angel. She doesn’t seem to realize her significance to me. Hell, I don’t think I can even articulate it properly other than the fact that I care for her well-being.
“Please,” I beg. “You can’t keep brushing this off, Evelyn. It’s going to catch up with you, and I need you to be prepared for that.”
She shakes my hand loose. “It’s not going to catch up with me. I’m going to be fine.”
“I’m serious, Evelyn. This isn’t something you can be in denial about.”
“I’m not in denial, Alex. You’re pushing your life on me!”