Proposingto Jacolby at our graduation party didn’t happen. I’ve never been influenced by anyone to make certain decisions nor was it easy to sway me in the other direction of where I wanted to go or do but somehow my mother had breached those walls and done what no one else has been able to do.
All my life my parents and brothers have been positive influences and sounding boards in my life. I valued their opinions and guidance. While they gave their two cents, they never pushed me to follow in their shoes to do anything. My love for wanting to continue my mother’s legacy came naturally I suppose.
I loved to draw. Loved to create fixtures and buildings with my legos as a child. The knack for it was in my blood. My hesitation to propose came from the doubt that had now built a small fort in my mind and heart. In all my twenty-one years on this earth, my mother has never persuaded me to do something I never wanted to do. She’s never not agreed or supported me but her having these doubts about Jacolby, fucked with me.
All of a sudden I started second-guessing our relationship. Maybe we were moving too fast. Instead of running full speed towards marriage like I wanted, maybe we should live together first but even that thought didn’t seem right. As much as I had this hunger to be up under my woman, I found myself questioning if this was even real and not me having the first love blues. But at the same time, I didn’t feel like I needed to go out and explore other women to know that I only wanted Jacolby.
“I’m so tired and jetlagged.” Yawning, Jacolby moved around in her seat until she got comfortable with her head resting in my lap and my fingers massaging her scalp. This is how she went to sleep most nights – laying on my chest with my hands in her hair coaxing her to sleep. Her slumber brought me to a peaceful slumber.
Two months of traveling had come to an end. We ate more than our bodies should’ve allowed. Drunk until our livers hurt. Explored and documented our entire vacation. Made love to her in the most beautiful and romantic places. It was the best experience of my life and I got to spend it with my favorite person. However, no matter how romantic it was taking gondola rides in the Arabian sea, I couldn’t bring myself to get down on one knee and ask her to spend forever with me. I had the ring with me. Carried it everywhere we went just in case that spontaneous moment happened, but it never did.
Now we were back stateside with three weeks remaining before our heads were back in the books and working jobs. I still hadn’t told her about the apartment I got us in Greensboro and something in the depth of my soul told me I’d be moving in alone.
After Jacolby and I landed back in Charlotte the car service my parents hired dropped her off home and then took me to my parent’s house. I dreaded coming back knowing that I’d have to face my mom sooner or later. Before Jacolby and I left she told me that when I returned, we needed to talk about my future. I tried not to let it bother me, but it did.
“Paxton, sweetie, is that you?” There was no need for her to yell from the kitchen. There were cameras all over the estate and she got a clear birds-eye view of anyone that came through those iron gates.
Leaving my luggage by the bottom steps, I huffed dragging my feet. I was ready to get this over with and be out of her house. The longer I was near her the more the doubt made itself a home and I didn’t like that I was having such a hard time shaking it.
“Yeah, ma, it’s me.” Walking into the kitchen I expected to see her and my dad eating but it was just her. This was around the time they sat down to eat together. A small intimate moment shared between two people in love that I used to envy until I had the chance of experiencing it for myself.
Smiling at me over her shoulder, she motioned to the dining table. “Are you hungry?”
“No ma’am,” I grumbled sitting down, running my hands over my face. The exhaustion of our excursions was finally weighing on me along with the mental weariness.
“I know your jetlagged, so I won’t take up much of your time.” She sat down with a steaming bowl of chili and cornbread. My favorite. Guess she needed aid to soothe the agony she was bound to cause. “I’ll get straight to the point. I’m retiring soon and while Kandon is already in place at Monarch, I saved a special seat for you.” Clasping my hands in hers, she smiled so damn big that I couldn’t help but mirror it. “I want to make you CFO.”
What!
“Are you…are you serious?” I couldn’t stop blinking.
“Yes, sweety. Kandon is already CEO and Kameron has the least bit of interest in being a responsible adult. Whenever he comes on board he can step into his role as Director of Urban Development. Now, I know you had plans of going to grad school and you can still do that, but it’s not required if you don’t want to. Everything is already set and ready for you to take over…”
All I could do was stare at my mother as she told me the news. Never did I think I’d ever be given the chance of such a high position. Yes, I knew the opportunity to work for Monarch was there but never in this compacity. I always said that if I ever joined her company I’d work alongside Kameron in urban development. This was amazing and a blessing, but it was also altering the plans Jacolby and I had made for our future. There’s no reason why she and I couldn’t keep the goals we had. Since I’d be in a high position to make decisions, I could easily create a sister company just for her. That way all the hard work of building from nothing to something wouldn’t be a burden. The connections and resources are already there.
This was perfect.
“Wow. Thanks, mom. I wasn’t at all expecting this. I can’t wait to tell Jacolby. This will make my proposal so much better.” Shit. I regretted speaking that out loud the minute her head reared back and a nasty frown covered her face.
“Proposal? What proposal?” Her hands dropped mine in a quickness.
Biting my jaw, I looked all around the kitchen before admitting my original plans. “I’m going to ask Jacolby to marry me.”
Blinking until her face became stoned, she nodded pushing my untouched bowl of chili towards the middle of the table. “Oh, I see.”
“I thought you loved Jacolby so why the long face?” No time better than the present for her to speak freely than in secret.
Pushing strands of her salt and pepper hair out of her face she tried to keep a neutral face but failed. “I-I do but don’t you think you’re rushing things?”
“If I’m honest I’m running behind. I would’ve married her freshman year if I knew I could be the husband and provider she deserved.”
“What about what you need? What about what this family needs and my business?” Her nose flaring and eyes narrowing, what was really going on?
Now I was really confused. “Uh, have you not met Jacolby? She’s the most loyal, hardworking, and dedicated person I know. I have no doubt that she will be a perfect addition to not only my family but Monarch as well.”
“But that doesn’t mean she’s the right fit for you.” My head jerked back so hard that I had to take several deep breaths. Seeing that I was close to losing my shit, she tried to rephrase her words. “All I’m saying is that the role you’re about to step into calls for one thousand percent of your time and dedication. Can you have love and a career, kinda. One will always suffer. Look at your father and me. He sacrificed so much to make sure I continued the legacy purposed to me. He’s just now fulfilling his dreams. Do you think Jacolby is willing to do the same?”
What I didn’t understand was why Jacolby would have to sacrifice anything? Why did it have to be one-sided, all for me and nothing for her?