Quinceyand I talked this morning while I got ready for work, and he asked me when was the last time I felt happy. When was the last time I felt genuinely content with life and happy with the direction my life was going in?
Knowing how eccentric and enlightened he could be, I asked him the reason behind his questions. When he said that my eyes were void of life and my spirit felt like it was barely alive, I felt the invisible hands of strangulation tightening around my throat. Making it hard to breathe and think because my answers to those questions made me feel like I failed somewhere down the line in life.
Every morning I woke up before the sun stretched its rays and sat on the edge of my bed trying to piece together the unsurety living in my life.
I’ve always been a strong man yielding to the submission of my faith. Probably the only thing I’ve ever submitted to besides when it came to matters of the heart. God had me in a place of silent chaos because I didn’t understand what to do with my life. Praying and wishing for a map to appear that showed me which direction I was supposed to go in. It felt like my strengths as a man were dwindling to ashes. Yet, here I sat another day waiting for the day when he guided me to the next phase of my life.
Knuckles rapping against my door weren’t enough to drag my attention from staring out my office window overlooking traffic passing by. Through the thick glass window reflection, I watched Kameron poke his head into my office before stepping in and closing the door. I hadn’t answered his knocks because I knew he’d eventually come in on his own. No one other than him came up to the fourteenth floor to speak to me. People saw me and ran. Can’t say I blamed them. I haven’t been the most approachable person. Though I no longer held the title of CFO my office was still mine.
Guess it was for the better to keep me away from people.
No one outside of my family knew I had a change of title. If you looked on the company’s website I was still listed as CFO but that wasn’t the truth. My mother suggested that I take on “lesser” duties until I felt like I could handle my position again. All of a sudden, a dummy name and credentials were created in our data entry system, and I became Paul Davis while at work. Mom had long ago retired but she refused for anyone to take my grief and hardships as a tool to ruin Monarch’s prestigious image.
“I came in here to vent but it looks like you need a listening ear.” Stepping up beside me, he took in the view and sighed. There was something pleasing and calming about watching the craziness of downtown Charlotte.
People were always in a rush to go somewhere or nowhere at all. Zooming in and out of traffic. I found peace in it most days. Found peace in knowing that I too could be like them – going somewhere. But, for now, I was planted here and unsure why.
“I’m good.” Clearing the phlegm of waywardness, I turned to my brother and smiled.
His man bun amused me every time he wore it. Kameron was different from the rest of us. He’s always drummed to his own beat and lived life on his own terms. In certain cases, I envied that part of his life – going wherever he pleased, doing whatever he wanted.
“You got a minute to talk? I need your advice and help on something.” Kameron stepped back from my window and sat in the leather chair before my desk.
I already knew what he wanted to speak with me about. Just because I decided to isolate myself from the other two hundred employees didn’t mean that I was oblivious to the mess going on. Honestly, I’ve been waiting for him to come and talk to me about it. I mean I caused the mess in the first place.
“My ears are yours.” Leaning back in my chair, I gave him the floor to express.
Hiking the knees of his pants up, he leaned on his elbows as he started his spill. “Four million dollars is missing from the main business accounts.” That I was aware of. “When Kandon rejected my proposal for a new development on the south side, saying it was because of budget, that didn’t sit well with me.” Me either. “You always taught me that if I’m not satisfied with an answer given to not stop pursuing until I got the one I wanted. So, I had one of the interning financial analyses run a quick report on the finances and, Paxton, man, there are so many red flags. I know he’s handling it because that’s his department now, but I call bullshit. How did none of us know about the missing money? Finances aren’t my expertise, but I spent hours going over reports and it dates back to at least five years or more.”
At least that was before my fuck ups.
Before he finished I felt the tightening pressure behind my eyes. A headache was coming, and I knew it would be the first of many dealing with a sensitive issue like this. Glancing at our last family portrait on my desk, I asked him an important question. “Can you separate family from the business?” His brows bunched and before he could question me, I held my hand up silencing him. “Outside of this building we’re Annette and Kandon Sr.’s sons. Brothers that will go to war for the other. However, once we step inside this building, we become business partners. Meaning that sometimes we have to put our brotherhood to the side and step into boss mode.” Weaving my fingers through my beard I sat back and watched my words swim around in his head before it clicked.
“I know I said it before, but I apologize for the mess I caused. My pride, along with all the hurt and pain I felt after she died, having someone else take over her job felt wrong. Felt like we were trying to erase more of her memory so I thought taking over was the best thing, but it wasn’t. And I get why y’all let me do it but look what it cost the company? I guess the silver lining is that while you’ve been trying to fix my mess you found out someone has been stealing.”
Those sleepy brown eyes of his became downcast mirrors of somber meadows. Kameron was all about keeping the peace. He hated tension and conflict of any kind. Poor kid had bad anxiety and I knew I’d have to do more damage than him just for the sake of his mental health. The roles we currently held at Monarch weren’t positions we necessarily wanted.
Being that our mother continued the legacy of running the architecture company that the women before her started, our roles were pretty much mapped out for us. We all had shares in the company, some having more than others. Overall, it was a family-owned and operated business. A black-owned business at that. After Kameron finished his years of traveling the world, the deal was that he had to go to college and then work for the family.
He was now walking in those shoes laid out for him and he wasn’t liking it one bit. Couldn’t blame him. Kandon was a motherfucker to work for and with him being CEO and Kameron taking over my position as CFO, tensions were at an all-time high. Though no one spoke about it to my face, I could see the disappointment in the eyes of our employees when I walked the halls. Everyone, my mother included, expected me to step back into my old role once I was sober long enough to type an articulate sentence, but I refused.
This didn’t feel like it was my calling or my lane anymore.
A disconnect was wedged between my old dreams and current reality.
All I wanted was peace and quiet without the political factors.
Nodding his head did nothing to shake away the uneasiness I felt radiating off him. “I understand and I get it.” I’d never belittle or devalue Kameron’s masculinity as soft. Though compared to the rest of us, he was the most laid back and easy-going. Even with Quincey being a teacher, he still had a certain hardness about him, but I guess that could be due to our upbringing.
“What do you need my help with?”
Looking me dead in the eye he asked, “Can you help with the meeting I scheduled? I refuse for us to sit back and do nothing about this missing money. Regardless of Kandon’s title, mom left her company in our hands collectively so we’re all just as responsible as him for the missing money and fixing your errors. I’ll deal with the urban development project later. This takes precedence over it all.”
Now that I respected and would stand ten toes down beside him.
“When is the meeting?” I stood putting on my sports jacket.
“Uh, in about ten minutes.” Of course this guy would wait until now to tell me. “Let me ask you something.” He and I stepped out of my office heading toward the elevator. “Why don’t you seem surprised by all of this?”