His embrace tightened. Lips finding their way to my cheek and nose. “I don’t want this to be the last time I see you. I don’t want to go back to a life without you.”
With each brush of his finger, my body jolted with yearning. “My guys are more than capable of doing their job. Scouts honor.” I tried not to focus on his words. Tried to ignore the heat of his body engulfing mine. Tried not to get so caught up in listening to the grumble of his baritone echoing in my ear.
“I’ll take your word for it.” He lifted my hand and feathered his lips across my knuckles. “If I need you, will you come back?” My voice and breath were both stuck in my throat. Unable to answer for fear of moaning, I nodded. “Forgive me for the hurt I’ve caused you, Jacolby. I’m so sorry.”
I sniffled trying to keep my tears at bay. “Me too,” I spoke barely above a whisper.
For the first time in years, I felt…relieved. Where we stood or went from here, I didn’t know. I just wanted to lay in his arms and forget about it all. And I did that, stayed in his arms until Brooke called informing me that it was time to leave. I didn’t get the closure I thought I’d get but I got answers. Just not the ones to soothe my aches.
* * *
During my entireflight to Miami, Florida Paxton Reid took ownership of my thoughts. My mind drifted back to our first time meeting at North Carolina A&T University. People found my sense of style outlandish now, but back then it was more colorful. I paired my clothes based on my moods and the weather. When I felt like dressing in a dress, but it was projected to rain I’d match the outfit with the brightest rainboots.
Imagine my attire and me singing my heart out to Outkast while walking along the yard on campus. The opinions of others have never been a concern of mine. I was confident in who I was. I loved everything about myself. I was and forever will be my biggest cheerleader.
Though I was a freshman, I had the highest GPA in my class and aced all of my math exams earning me a spot as a math tutor. My first student to tutor was a student that didn’t necessarily need my help but was an overachiever who took his first C on a test to heart and wanted help so it wouldn’t happen again. It baffled me that this fine architecture major of a man needed help with math. Our first meeting was in my dorm. Besides him singing with me as we walked to my dorm, he kept tight-lipped. He made me nervous with his serious facial expression. He never spoke more than required and kept his eyes glued to his books.
One day his silence became my undoing. Determined to break his shell, I sang word for word and danced along to The Whole World. He smiled and clowned me for a week straight. That didn’t matter to me. Breaking down that shell led to us spending the best four years of my life together.
Our friendship blossomed into something of importance. Something special. Didn’t take long for me to fall in love either. Those late nights and weekends of studying allowed me to see the man behind the Reid name. He was passionate and loyal. Loving and caring. Honest and forgiving. Strong in his own Silent Bob way.
When I suggested that he join the math club during the summer of our sophomore year I prepared to be let down, but he surprised me when he met me at the airport with his two duffle bags. Not knowing how the summer would end or what we would face once we left North Carolina, I vowed to give my all…in every aspect that summer.
I allowed myself to love him freely and dangerously. Dangerous because I knew there was a tiny bit of a possibility that our surging romance had the lingering inevitability of dwindling to a breakup. I put my emotions, my heart, and my love all on the line to be able to call him mine.
The night I gave my body to him our souls danced and spirits intertwined. No one could tell me that we weren’t destined to be together. Our pull was magnetic. My body responded to him and only him. He made love to every inch of me. Rough but tender. Gentle but passionate. When he uttered the words, I love you, I knew I made the right decision. The proof was in the pudding of his stroke as he took me beyond my wildest and craziest dreams. Paxton Reid was and forever will be mine.
“Junior, talk to me. You’ve been quiet the entire flight.” Jalonie tapped my shoulder trying to break my gaze off my phone.
Have you landed?
A simple three-worded text. Simple, but not simple. A shift transpired after our moment of clarity. My emotions ranged from angry to relieved to heartbroken to giddy.
“Earth to Junior.” Jalonie snapped her fingers in my face.
Yes. Thanks for asking.
Placing my phone on airplane mode, I relaxed in my seat. “Are you excited to spend a few days under the sun? Drinking sangrias and living the Miami nightlife?”
She kissed her teeth and pinched me on the stomach. “Talk to me, Jacolby. Do I have to sound like that irritating bird for you to speak to me?”
At the mention of Pi, I sent a quick text to my Father reminding him to take care of his son. “Thanks for reminding me.”
“Junior, unless you want me to tickle you until you piss up these seats, I advise you to open your mouth and tell me about your time with the Reid’s.” She held her hand up wiggling her fingers.
With a chuckle, I scooted as close to her as the seat permitted and rested my head on her shoulder.
“We co-existed in the same space. We semi-argued. He sorta answered my questions and I’m still smitten.” I didn’t lie.
“Hmm, I see. When you found out his wife died, what did you feel?”
My eyes rolled to the top of my head. “Please don’t try to use your psychological expertise on me, Lonie. Part of me felt terrible and the other part felt shamefully happy. Not happy that she died, cause that’s just tragic, but happy in a sense that he got to experience the pain I felt when he snatched his love from me. He mourns the death of his wife while I had to mourn the death of him ripping my heart out. In my book, we’re even.”
Dang…that sounded wicked. No matter how malicious that sounded, it was the truth…my truth.
“Wow. That’s so…maybe you and him need to sit down and talk more. Dig deeper. What I don’t understand is why you guys can’t be together now especially if that’s something you both want. You do want to be with him, right?”
I did, though.