Kenzie
Phoenix, Arizona
Iwas mortified to have acted the way I had. I supposed it should’ve been expected that I would eventually have a manic episode. Because of the alcohol I’d been consuming during the competition, I had stupidly slacked up on my mood stabilizer. The combination of pills that had been prescribed for me were meant to be taken together or else they threw everything out of whack. I didn’t need to lose it, and yet I had, and in front of the very last man I had ever wanted to see me weak like that again.
That regret only made the depressive state I slipped into afterward even worse. Reece had been there for me the best she could. “You need to take some time away,” she’d told me, and I had to finally agree with her logic.
The last thing I needed was to be in Manhattan when CHG Seaport opened and Leeann DeSoto introduced her signature restaurant. That contract was everything I had worked so hard for, but I had taken my focus off the prize and instead chosen to play for a different kind. In the end, I still lost the game and so much more.
“I don’t want to leave you here by yourself,”I had told her. It’d been my fault she was even in New York to begin with. I had a level of responsibility to her, and to leave would just be shirking it. I loved her. She was my one and only friend. I couldn’t do that to her.
“Our week at the hotel wasn’t a complete bust. I have secured a few jobs, so you have no reason to not go somewhere to get away for a bit,”she’d responded.
“I can’t expect you to pay for—”
“Look, Kenzie. You’ve supported me every day since we’ve first met, and this is my chance to pay you back for all of that. I will be fine here in the city and you’ll still have our closet to come back home to when you’re ready.”
“If you’re sure, I—”
“I am,”she’d responded even more emphatically. “Call me when you get to wherever you’re going.”
From there, I had packed up three suitcases and headed for the airport. As I sat on the plane, I couldn’t help but wonder if Jonas would even realize I was gone. It was then when I had to remind myself that he would forget about me now just like he had before, and that was assuming he hadn’t already. After all, I had assaulted him during our confrontation.
No, I couldn’t stay here in the city any longer. It wasn’t big enough for the two of us, so one had to leave. He belonged here. After all, he was a Titan, and I was just another in a long line of sexual conquests, and likely the only one that had foolishly not learned her lesson the first time around. I doubted many women returned to his bed, especially with the way he liked to play the game. Unlike before though, I had given it a shot myself this time, but my hand had still been a losing one.
The words to an Adele song echoed in my head. He always seemed to win the games he played, and he always would. There was something about him that both scared and intrigued me, as it evidently had so many others. He possessed a certain charm that made the women around him drop to their knees. I wasn’t even immune to him, even after what he’d already done to me before. I had thought he was the love of my life back when I was nothing more than a child, naïve to the cruelty of the world around me. I was more jaded now, and having seen it all, I still allowed myself to fall into his trap. Now, leaving was like setting fire to the rain, my tears becoming those very drops that she sang about. I swore back in high school that it’d be the last time I cried over this man, yet here I was, with my face pressed to the glass and a scalding trail of moisture rolling down my cheeks.
It’d taken two stops and several hours, and I was completely cried out by the time I arrived in Phoenix, or so I thought. Once I got settled into my sister’s guest bedroom, the tears returned, and I had to bury my head under the pillow to muffle the sound. I had allowed the pity party to go on for two days until I did as I had to before and picked myself back up. I had to dust off the pain, and while vowing to never allow myself to get mixed up with the likes of Jonas Courtland again, I just hoped I could actually stick to it this time.
“Why are you so sad, Auntie Kenzie,” Tori asked me on the third night when I was been out by the pool just staring listlessly at the water.
My daughter climbed into my lap and I held her against me. God, she was exactly what I needed, and in a way, she had been a decade earlier, too. My pregnancy with her changed me in ways that only something so profound could, and any pain I thought I had experienced with Jonas was multiplied tenfold when I had to hand her over for good to my sister and her husband.
I knew they would give her a great life, and they had. Like I had done back then, I knew that I would eventually put these last few weeks behind me again because with Tori in my world, I couldn’t do anything but succeed. I squeezed her back as she hugged me tightly.
“I’m not sad,” I lied, “I’m just tired.”
Well, that hadn’t been a complete fabrication. I was exhausted, even if it was more mental than physical. The rapid shifts in my mood always took such a toll on me, and I was actually surprised I was even up and out of bed so quickly.
“Then, I should read you a bedtime story so you can get some rest.”
I smiled and kissed the top of her small head. She was so kind and innocent. She didn’t know the type of people that made her, only the god-fearing ones that were raising her. She had a heart of gold I hoped she never lost.
I did eventually go back inside, and I slept for what felt like two more days, then I forced myself to join the land of the living. Thankfully by that time, my moods had stabilized as I had gotten back onto a routine with my medicine. I even had a telehealth visit with my therapist from New York later on in the day. I’d get through this recent breakdown, then I’d be able to figure out what I was going to do with my life.
“Are you sure you’re okay, sis?” Madeleine asked me, and I nodded.
“I will be. Thank you so much for letting me stay for a while.” I knew it must be awkward to have me here, but since I didn’t interfere with her parenting, and I would never tell Tori how closely related we truly were, I think it helped. It was likely those reasons alone that had her agreeing to this indefinite visit.
“It’s no problem at all. I’m taking Tori to school, then we can meet up later for lunch if you would like.”
“I’d love to,” I told her.
After she’d thrown out the name of a place, I made sure to store it on my phone. I’d figure out directions later. That lunch date actually resulted in something more than just sibling bonding. We’d gone to a chic restaurant downtown and it was when everything changed for me. I ended up meeting an investor who was looking for an executive chef for the restaurant that he was having built.
“Oh my God. You have to try it,” Reece told me the moment I phoned her from the car with the news.
“I’m not sure. I think this might be too much, too soon when it comes to having to audition for a rest—”