"No. Weres can't have children with anyone but their mates. Since we weren't mated, there was no chance of that. "
Susan would give him that, but pregnancy wasn't the only thing to be concerned about. "Not to be rude, but what about STDs? Given how quickly she threw herself at you, weren't you afraid she'd give you a gift that kept on giving?"
He snorted. "No. Again, my people can't get those diseases. Our magick keeps us immune from the rest. The only human diseases we share are cancer and common colds."
Lucky you. Susan had to bite back the sarcasm. She didn't want him to pull away while he was telling her his story. "So how long did the two of you keep meeting?"
"About four months. And after a while, I was really infatuated with her. She kept asking me to marry her and I kept putting her off."
"Because she wasn't your mate?"
"Exactly. There was no point in bringing her into my world when she couldn't really be a part of it. And I didn't want to tie myself to someone who wasn't my mate. I used to have this stupid idea that one day I'd have a mate and kids and live happily ever after."
Susan's heart jerked at the hurt that underlined those words. "It's not such a stupid idea, Ravyn. You know a lot of people have the same exact thought. "
"Yeah," he said in a tone that told her he thought those people were fools. "Anyway, when the mark finally appeared on our hands, I thought it was too good to be true. She'd been telling me for months that she loved me. I wasn't sure if I loved her or not, but I enjoyed her company so I proposed as soon as I saw the marking. Isabeau was scared, of course. She thought it was the mark of the devil and I tried to tell her not to worry, but she ran off before I could explain it. "
"You went after her?"
"No," he said to her surprise. "Something in my gut told me to leave her alone... she'd been really hysterical before she took off. So I went home and that night my mother saw the mark on my palm and asked me about it. I told her the truth and tried to make her understand just how distraught Isabeau had been. She assured me that Isabeau was just taken by surprise. And that I owed it to both her and myself to tell her the truth about who and what we were. She was sure that a woman who loved me would accept the truth of it and join us."
He rolled over onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. She could feel the guilt and anger inside him, reaching out to touch her heart. "You have no idea how much I wish I could go back in time and change that night. It's probably why Artemis stripped the ability to time travel from me. God knows, it eats at me constantly and I'm sure if I could, I'd go back and do something stupid."
Susan rubbed his arm soothingly. "Is that what you dream of?"
He turned his head to meet her gaze. "In part. I always see my mother as she urged me to go to Isabeau and bring her back to our village, and then it shifts to the night I became a Dark-Hunter. I keep seeing Isabeau's terrified face in my mind as I killed her father while she screamed and cowered in a corner. "
She hesitated to ask the next question, but she wanted to know the answer. "Did you kill Isabeau, too?"
"Yes."
Susan pulled back at that as her heart hammered. She'd seen Ravyn in action, but even so she hadn't thought that he could be that cold.
He winced as if he could still see the past. "While her father died, Isabeau found some courage. She grabbed a short sword from the wall and ran at me with it. I wasn't armed so I tried to dodge her swing, but she caught me across the arm with the blade. Acting on instinct, I knocked her away from me and cupped my arm. She stumbled back into the hearth and dropped the sword as the tail of her dress went into the fire. I reached for her to help her, but she bit me and went running for the open door as the fire spread up the back of her gown. As I ran after her, more of the men came between us and attacked me. By the time I'd killed them, it was too late for Isabeau. I found her lying in a heap not far from her cottage. As I rolled her over, I realized she was still alive. Her eyes flared as she saw me, then she spat in my face and died in my arms. I can't get the sight of her burned face out of my dreams. The hatred in her eyes as she spat on me. I keep thinking that I should have somehow known how it would all play out. That I could have done something to save all of them."
"It wasn't your fault Isabeau was stupid."
"No," he said, his dark eyes burning into hers. "She was just a woman of her time who was convinced I was the devil out to steal her soul. I should have never touched her."
"But then you wouldn't have found your mate."
"Yeah, and what good did it do me to find her?"
He did have a point. Sighing, Susan squeezed his hand in hers. "I'm sorry, Ravyn. Everyone deserves to have someone who loves them."
By his face she could tell that he didn't agree with that. Instead of hating Isabeau for her ignorance and stupidity, it was obvious that he hated himself for setting it all into motion. How she wished she could ease that guilt from him. But there was nothing she could do. He would have to learn to forgive himself someday.
"What about you?" he asked quietly as he played with her fingers.
"What about me?"
"Did you ever love anyone?"
Susan bit her lip as her own regret and sadness gnawed at her. "No. Not really." And it wasn't from lack of trying on her part. She just couldn't seem to find anyone who was in sync with her. Someone who could make her laugh... Someone she wanted to grow old with. "At least not like you read about in books or see in movies. I've always wondered what it would be like to be swept off my feet by some sexy stranger. To have that one person who I can't imagine living without come into my life and make me his." She sighed wistfully as an image of it happening played through her mind. Oh, what she wouldn't give to have that feeling just once in her life.
"Yeah. It's such bullshit."
"No," she said seriously. "It does exist. I saw it with Jimmy and Angie. They were so in love that there were times when I would have to leave the room to get away from the jealousy I felt. It wasn't that I begrudged them their happiness, it was just hard to see them so happy while I had no one in my own life."
Susan felt a sad smile play at the edges of her lips. "When I was a little girl, I remember going to see Urban Cowboy with my mom. Remember the scene at the end when John Travolta punches out the bad guy for hurting Debra Winger and then carries her outside? I always wondered what that would feel like."
His callused fingers continued to play with hers. "Well, considering the fact that he doesn't carry her out at the end, that would be hard."
Susan started at his words. "What?"
"She gets carried outside at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman. Not Urban Cowboy. Bud and Sissy walk out arm in arm at the end of that one."
"Oh." Susan frowned as she thought about that. He was actually right and she was amazed that he knew that. She turned to give him a chiding stare. "By the way, I find it fascinating that you know this."
His grin was wicked as he moved her hand to his chest while his thumb stroked her palm and sent little waves of pleasure through her. "Don't. Remember that I live with a girl who's recently gone through puberty. Erika watches those movies over and over again and then cries and carries on for hours about how men like that don't exist and how we're all insensitive pigs who should be neutered."
Susan laughed. She could just see Erika tirading against poor Ravyn, who would most likely look completely baffled by the attack. "You know, she's amazingly astute at times."
"Thanks."
She rolled her weight playfully into his side. "I was just teasing."