Sergio shrugged. ‘So here’s what I’m thinking...’
He leaned forward, all business now, and Susie looked back at him with guarded eyes.
‘You don’t want to marry me...and you’re right—I can’t force you. Naturally I believe that it is better for a child to have both parents, just as I believe that ours would be a union that stands every chance of working. We’re physically good together, and you can’t take away the fact that sex plays an intrinsic part in any relationship. However, if I cannot persuade you of that simple truth, then so be it.’
Having been on the roller-coaster ride of having him propose to her, she was now dazed at the sudden turn the ride had taken—and, if she was being honest, a little taken aback.
So much for his enthusiastic proposal. It hadn’t taken him long to fall in line with what she had said—that marriage would be a ridiculous sacrifice, way beyond the bounds of duty. Why didn’t she feel happier?
‘I’m glad you see where I’m coming from...’
‘I see it,’ he murmured. I just don’t accept it. ‘But back to what I was talking about...’
She focused, even though her mind was still whirring on a different plane.
‘I intend to find you somewhere a little further out.’ He raised his hand, as though predicting an interruption. ‘Still accessible to central London, but with more of a country feel. Richmond... Yes... Somewhere like that would do very nicely. Naturally you would want somewhere to carry on painting? That’s the good thing about what you do—you can work from the comfort of your home. No nasty commuter trips into London.’
‘You’re going to rent somewhere for me?’
‘Buy,’ he corrected. ‘I’ve always thought that renting is the equivalent of throwing money down the drain. And,’ he carried on quickly, because he could glimpse her pride beginning to make an unwelcome appearance, ‘it won’t just be for you. It will be for you and our child. It won’t be big or spectacular, so you needn’t start trying to put boundaries around what would and wouldn’t be acceptable to you.’
‘I wasn’t about to do that.’ Susie blushed and looked away. He knew her so well that it was scary. ‘Am I allowed to have a say in this house? Or do I get presented with it as a fait accompli?’
‘It’ll be a joint decision...what else?’
* * *
And in the meantime he was allowing her to carry on living in her little rented hovel.
Now that she was pregnant Susie realised just how awful a place it was. As a young, single person, she could weather all the drawbacks, but when she thought of bringing a newborn to the place she shuddered.
In the end she flitted between her parents’ house in Yorkshire and her London apartment. They had taken the news better than she had hoped—and, after what Sergio had said to her about misreading some of their reactions in the past, putting her own personal spin on situations that only existed in her head, she was accepting of that. She didn’t try to probe behind what they said, looking for hidden depths and meanings that weren’t there. She didn’t try to open up any cans of worms.
Besides, she didn’t seem to have the luxury of time on her hands to question and analyse and jump to conclusions.
She was busy looking for somewhere else to live and finding nothing. Busy trying to work out how her life was going to pan out with Sergio as a permanent part of it, but without the solid bond of marriage to glue them together. Trying to come to terms with the choices she had made because they were good choices.
He spoke to her every day, and usually several times. He insisted on visiting her at her place and made absolutely no move to try and coerce her into moving in with him. He respected her decision to take herself off to Yorkshire at a moment’s notice. If he resented her decision not to tell her parents that he had proposed, then he hid it well. He was a man who wasn’t emotionally involved—just doing the right thing because he had no choice.
And he kept his distance.
For the past seven weeks—ever since she had broken the news to him—he had not made any effort to touch her...except occasionally, in passing, the brush of his hand on her arm, his finger wiping something from the side of her mouth...little passing touches that sent her blood pressure into orbit and made her realise, with something bordering on utter misery, that she was the only one affected.