It was so unfair.
He swallowed as he ached to reach out to touch her but was afraid she'd shove him away like everyone else in his past. Surely she must hate him for his neglect. He wouldn't blame her if she did. God knows, he'd felt that way when he learned about his real parents. He'd despised them for never telling him who they were, for never being there when he needed comfort or love.
Until now, he hadn't realized how hard his first meeting with his mother must have been for her.
"I don't even know what to say to you," he whispered.
"Me, either. I guess we'll just stand here and cry at each other, huh?"
He laughed at her unexpected humor.
Kat wiped at her eyes again. "Can I hug you?"
Ash held his arms out, and before he could move she ran to him. The feel of her there as he wrapped his arms around her rattled him to the depths of his soul. This was his daughter. His true flesh and blood. A wave of possessive pride ripped through him, but the love he felt for her was enough to almost drown him.
Now he fully understood his mother and her anger on the night she'd learned about his past. He wanted to hurt anyone who'd ever hurt Kat.
The guilt over not being there...
Not once in Kat's life had he held her. Never had she cried and felt his comforting touch. She'd lived knowing nothing about him other than the fact that he had donated DNA to make her. His only comfort was that he'd never known about her existence.
How much worse had it been for his mother to know he was out there but to not be able to go to him?
"I'm so sorry," he breathed against Kat's hair as he cradled her head in his palm. "I didn't know."
"I know you didn't."
Still he wanted her to understand just how sorry he felt. "Why didn't you ever come to me?"
"When I was young I was afraid you'd be mad at me. Every time I saw you come here, you were always so angry. You hated Artemis and I was afraid you'd hate me for tying you to her."
He pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. "I could never hate you."
Kat had waited her whole life to hear those words, as more tears gathered in her eyes. To feel the touch of her father. It was so much sweeter than she'd ever imagined. "I love you, Dad."
Ash let out a sob as pain wracked him. Those words tore through every fiber of his being. "I'm so sorry, Katra."
"Me, too. I should have told you. I know that. But I really didn't know what you'd do to Mom. I was afraid you'd kill her."
He gave a bitter laugh. "I probably would have" He shook his head as he looked her up and down. "You're so beautiful. I wish I'd seen you as a child."
She gave him a coy grin. "You didn't miss much. I had buck teeth and stringy hair."
He laughed. "I seriously doubt that."
"It's true, and I was really hideous as a preteen. Tall and gawky. I used to bump my head into everything. Still do sometimes."
He shook his head at her. "You are my daughter."
"Sure I am," she scoffed. "I can't imagine you ever being uncoordinated."
"Oh, I assure you I've nailed quite a few signs with my forehead. It's a wonder 'Exits' isn't permanently imprinted right between my eyes."
Her melodic laugh filled his ears and made his heart ache.
Ash couldn't get over how similar her mannerisms were to his. It was like looking into a mirror and seeing someone else's face in your stead.
But his joy was cut short by another fear as he realized just how similar the two of them were and what that might have meant for Katra growing up. "Has your mother been good to you?"
A slow smile spread across her face. "For her, yeah. I mean other than the fact I could never call her Matisera unless we were alone, she really was good."
How awful to never be able to acknowledge Artemis as her mother in public. He knew that pain well and it made him even angrier that Artemis, having done that to him, would also do it to his child.
How selfish could one person be?
"Is she loving to you?"
Kat swallowed at his question and she knew exactly what he meant by it. He was afraid her mother had been cold to her. But in spite of Artemis's shortcomings, that had never been the case.
Wanting to set his mind at ease, Kat took his hand into hers and closed her eyes so that she could show him.
Ash jerked as he saw Katra's memories in his mind. She was no more than seven and she was alone with her mother in Artemis's bedchamber. They were curled up together in Artemis's bed.
Katra frowned as she laid a tiny hand to Artemis's moist cheek. "Why do you cry, Matisera?"
"You're too young to understand, my little one."
"Then you can tell me why you cry and I won't understand it. Then you'll feel better and be happy again."
Artemis smiled through her tears as she lifted the blanket higher around Kat's shoulders. "I made a horrible mistake."
Her young brow was furrowed in puzzlement. "But you're a goddess. You can't make mistakes."
Artemis took Kat's small hand into hers and placed a tender kiss on it. "Trust me, little one. Everyone makes mistakes. Even the gods, and ours are much worse than those of humans. Unlike humans, we don't suffer alone. Rather, we share the pain with thousands. That's why you must learn to be like your father. To hold in your tears and anger. Try not to punish what you love."
"But you don't punish me, Matisera."
Artemis kissed her on the forehead. "No, Katra, I don't. I love my little treasure."
Still Katra looked confused by her mother's tears. "Am I your mistake, Matisera?"
"Oh, great Olympus, no! Why ever would you think that, child? "
" 'Cause no one can know about me. Aren't you supposed to hide your mistakes?"
"Oh, baby, no. That's not why I have to hide you. I just don't want to share you with anyone. You are mine alone. You will always be my little girl and I don't want to share you with anyone else."
Kat scratched her tiny head. "Do you think my father would love me?"
Artemis rubbed her nose against Kat's before she answered. "Your father would love you even more than I do. He would wake you with tickles and kisses, and send you to bed with a warm hug."
"Then why don't we find him?"
The sadness returned to Artemis's face. "Because he hates me and he wants nothing to do with me."