Freshman (First Time 3)

d that whole thing never even came fucking close to. And that just made it worse.

You cared about this girl.

And so I drank until I couldn’t play anymore, and until the ringing in my ears just became background noise. Because I knew that voice inside my head was right, as much as I wanted to drown it out. I did care about her. Fuck it, I loved her. And yeah, I knew the odds of this thing going anywhere, or being anything real, but I’d pushed all that aside. I’d known from the beginning that the age difference, and her family, and just all of it was against us, but I’d ignored that shit.

Because of her.

And now look where it’d gotten me. I’d never gotten played by a girl like this before, and the idea of her going off and finding some of fucking college boy fuck-face just fucking killed me inside.

I should have made her get out of the car that night.

That first time, when she fucking seduced me like that. I’d been weak, and thinking with my cock when I should have been smart and kicked her out. Right? I mean what the fuck did I think was going to happen?

I finally let the guitar drop from my hands as I stumbled out to collapse into a pool chair with the bottle.

Fuck.

Now what.

Chapter 29

Christina

I avoided going back to the room until late that night. I just couldn’t do it, and instead I spent the whole day crying in the library or moping around campus before finally, I knew I had to go back and see her.

The dorm room was a disaster when I got back. There were clothes, books, and things everywhere, and there in the middle of it all, was Anna.

And she was crying.

She looked up when I walked in and then shoved her face into her hands as afresh wave of tears hit.

“Hey, hey!” I dropped to the ground next to her and started to put my arms around her, but she shook her head and moved away.

“No, please, Chris-” She looked up at me, her eyes red and streaked with tears as she slowly shook her head. “I’m so so sorry.”

“Anna-”

“No, Jesus, I- I’m awful!” She choked out, hugging herself as she sat against her bed amongst the piles of clothes and suitcases.

I shook my head. “What happened last night-”

“What happened last night shouldn’t have happened, Chris! You and Tyler? I mean who am I?” I started to open my mouth but she shook her head. “No, and what’s even worse is that I think I ruined all of it with you!” She looked up at me, the tears falling down her cheeks. “I ruined us!”

I had my arms around her in seconds, and then we were both crying as I hugged her fiercely, like I never wanted to let her go. I hugged her like I might drift away without her, because she was home.

“Last night should’ve happened a long time ago,” I whispered fiercely into her ear. “I love you, Anna.”

She took a shaking breath, her face still buried against me, before she pulled back and looked at me. “I love you to, you know.” She made a small smile, but it quickly faltered. “Does Tyler-”

I looked down. “Yeah.” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop anymore tears from shedding. “Yeah, he knows.”

“Oh God, Chris, I’m so fucking sor-”

“Nope,” I shook my head at her. “Uh-huh, that isn’t on you, that’s on me.” I let my head drop as I felt her hug me close again. “I’m not sorry about last night though, you know.” She made a choking laugh as her arms squeezed me tighter before I pulled back and looked her in the eye. Her, the girl I’d known forever - my best friend, my other half, and it just so happened to be, one of the extremely confusing TWO loves of my life.

I looked around the disaster of the room and frowned. “What were you, moving out or something?”

Anna winced and looked away. “Yeah, no, uh…” she looked at me quickly. “Maybe?”