Sweet Taboo

“You always struck me as a good man,” she murmured as she curled up deeper into the couch.

“I try. God knows it.” I glanced at the ceiling. “And I love Keyon. I really do. Hell, I’m missing him and second guessing being here right now. If it weren’t for my sister, I couldn’t do this.” I shook my head. “As much as I love him, his mama, she’s the devil.” My face was grim. “I let her stay on the bottom floor. I cared for our son during the day. She had him after I went to work at night. She was growing restless because nothing she tried made me want to take her back. And believe me, she tried a whole lot of things.” I groaned and shook my head.

“So why let her stay?” Tegyn’s voice was barely a whisper.

“Because in North Carolina, the courts tend to side with the mother. To lose custody, a mother practically has to shoot up heroin in the courtroom while addressing the judge.” I threw my hands in the air.

Her brow furrowed. “Really? I had no idea.”

“Yeah. It’s that bad. They say there’s no preference, but it’s not true. So, I’ve been biding my time. I knew Camilla would screw up eventually and I needed to be there to pick up the pieces for Keyon.” I angled myself on the couch so I could better see her. “She brought a man home. They were going at it on my kitchen table when I walked in.” I stopped because her face turned three shades of red and I realized my mistake. “It wasn’t like with us.”

“So, it wasn’t the table part?” She bit her cheek as she waited for my response.

“No, it wasn’t the furniture. It was that she agreed not to have guys over. She had some guy fucking her on the table I eat at while my son screamed his head off downstairs.” I rubbed my face with both hands.

“Okay. I thought maybe the idea of fucking on a table suddenly grossed you out.” She sighed and stared at the flames.

I stiffened. I’d hit a nerve. And she obviously didn’t understand us, didn’t know what our time together was about. Slowly, I slid across the couch until I was centered on the cushion that had previously separated us and turned completely to face her even if she was doing everything in her power to avoid looking at me.

“Tegyn, I’m right here,” I murmured.

“Oh, I know where you are.” She shook her head and closed her eyes. “I can feel you.” She blew out a breath and waited a moment before speaking again. “I could always feel you before you even touched me.” Then she finally opened her eyes and turned her face toward mine.

I could see her eyes shining with unspent tears. “Oh, baby,” I whispered as I reached out to cup her cheek. “You don’t even know.” I leaned forward and pulled her into my arms. I felt her stiffen and fight it, but she had to hear me out. So, instead of holding her, I moved until we were nearly nose-to-nose. “We never fucked, Tegyn.”

She swallowed hard. “We didn’t?”

“Nah, baby. You know we didn’t. You felt it. I know you did. Every time I was with you, I was making love to you.” I stared at her lips. Damn, I wanted to kiss her.

Ever so gently, Tegyn reached up and pulled my hand from her face. “You’re right. I never knew.” She shook her head again.

“What’re you thinking? You can tell me anything.” I still held her hand. She might have pulled it off her face, but she had yet to pry it out of my grip.

Tegyn stared down at our hands. She seemed torn. “In some ways, it would be so easy to fall into you again, to let myself give in to these feelings, but I can’t as long as you’re married because losing you devastated me. I gave up. I took Trent back. I know that part isn’t directly your fault. Hey, we might’ve broken up anyway, right?”

I frowned. “No. No, we wouldn’t have. And if you ever take me back, we never will.” I shook my head vehemently. “I will never let you go again. And I don’t mean that in a scary, threatening way. I mean that what’s between us is real.” I smoothed her hair back with my free hand. “You’re the marrying kind. And I plan to marry you.”

She licked her lips and mesmerized me with that act. “I see.” Tegyn leaned back into the corner of the couch. “I think we have a lot more keeping us apart right now than we do holding us together.”

“Not really.” I laughed. “Just your husband and my wife. Practically nothing at all.”

She chuckled. “Yeah. Plus, my stalker. Apparently, someone wants to kill me.”

“You don’t think it’s Trent?” I asked seriously. If this was one of the obstacles keeping us apart, I’d at least tackle the one I could manage. Security was my area.

“No, I don’t. He wants me back. The whole time we were married, he systematically pushed away all my friends. I suppose I let him, for the sake of peace. So, now I have practically no one I’m close to or trust. And he’s trying to make the divorce so difficult and so costly that I give up and decide it’s cheaper to keep him.” She smirked. “Now, I’m not, but I’m ready for us to come to some kind of agreement and end things as peacefully as possible.”

“Any dates set?” I asked a little too quickly, making obvious my interest.

“Well…” She tilted her head as she thought. “I have a mediation coming up this week, actually.”

“And you don’t think he’s trying to scare you away?” I frowned.

She yawned. “No. This is too subtle. If he wanted to scare me, he’d get right in my face. Trust me.”

“I do.” I watched her and she yawned again. “Tegyn, you need some sleep,” I murmured. “Where do you want to rest?”

She blinked a few times and looked around. “My room is going to be freezing and not exactly safe.” She sighed. “The spare bedrooms are on the back of the house and I’ll feel too exposed.” Tegyn wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. “Here. I guess the only place I feel safe and comfortable enough to sleep is right here.” She had a sad look in her eyes and I suspected her concern.