Sweet Taboo

I laughed. “Only on paper, girl. We haven’t touched since we made Keyon. And I haven’t ever been with anybody but you in any way for the last three years. Haven’t wanted to. Haven’t tried.” I licked my lips. “I’m stuck on you. I don’t know how to not want you. I don’t know how to love anyone but you.” The room had grown strangely still and I realized at the same time Tegyn did that Keyon was watching.

“T, you read now?” He had his hands folded under his chin.

“Of course, little man. Do you have a favorite book?” She plopped down beside him and I moved to lounge on the end of the bed where I could watch them.

“You pick,” Keyon urged.

My heart hurt knowing he hadn’t had many books read to him. Camilla wasn’t into that kind of thing. He had always slept downstairs with her, so I didn’t get to tuck him in. And once she was gone, I was so busy trying to survive and fix everything and get it together, I never thought about buying him books or reading to him before bed. I was a bad dad.

I glanced up and saw Tegyn staring at me. “What?” I asked sadly.

“No, you’re not,” she murmured. “You’re doing the best you can. I see it. And I’m not judging, I’m helping.” Then she reached out and squeezed my hand. My heart raced at her touch. Too quickly, she yanked it back and focused on the Kindle app on her phone, leaving me to instead recall her tender act.

“Bunnies!” Keyon pointed at the screen.

“Goodnight Moon. Nice choice.” She glanced at me and smiled before turning her attention back to my son. “In the great green room,” she began.

Soon, I realized I could listen to her reading for hours. Her voice was clear and sure. Though I wouldn’t have thought it possible, Tegyn managed to make my feelings for her grow even deeper.

Later that night, we glossed over it in a conversation I wasn’t sure I wanted to have. I was supposed to be researching for the trip to L.A., but instead, I couldn’t stop watching her on the other end of the couch. She was sitting with the laptop on her thighs, typing away. Occasionally, she paused and I could tell she was thinking from the way she tilted her head to the side and the little noises she’d make. Finally, she froze. “Am I bothering you?” she asked quietly. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “Not bothering.”

Her brow furrowed. “Then what? You keep looking at me. You’re making me self-conscious. Do I have a booger on my nose?”

I chuckled. “Nah. You’re perfect.” I sighed. “You’re so perfect. I can’t stand being around you.” I tried to turn my attention back to my phone and the map I’d pulled up, but she wasn’t having it.

“Well, that made zero sense.” She shook her head.

I continued to ignore her, hoping she’d drop it, but that wasn’t one of Tegyn’s abilities. She was far too curious, far too direct. Incredibly determined that there be no misunderstandings. These were all admirable qualities, unless a person was trying to be evasive, like me.

“DeSean, what are you saying?” She shifted on the couch until she was facing me, with her legs bent and feet on the cushion between us.

I groaned. “Tegyn, you don’t want to hear what I’m saying. You want to think you know how things were here, but you don’t. You want to believe you know my life, know my heart, but you don’t. All I want is you.” I set my phone down and turned my body until I was staring her right in the eyes. “It hurts being around you, seeing how you are with my son, knowing how things have been with us, and wanting that back, but you seem so far away, so determined to keep me at bay.” I watched her for a reaction. The wall was still firmly between us. I could tell.

“I’m trying to be patient, baby. I really am.” I shook my head even as I reached out and grabbed one of her tiny bare feet. I held it in both hands, massaging it as I spoke. “I know you’re scared and tense. I’d do everything I can to help you overcome those fears and relieve that tension.” My hands moved to her calf. “I’d massage every inch of you.” I closed my eyes and turned my head away while I continued to touch her. In my mind, memories of us together played in my head. Her pure joy when we were in bed. The way she’d tease me and giggle until I’d flip her on her back and suck on her beautiful breasts, before working my way down her body and feasting on her perfect pussy. I loved the little gasps and moans my actions could elicit from her. Already, I was growing hard from the memory. And I think Tegyn knew it. When I opened my eyes and met her questioning ones, she licked her bottom lip, then bit it. And I was done. I couldn’t hold back any longer.

In a second, I was on my knees between her legs. My hands held her face, and I dove in for a kiss. She didn’t fight me. If anything, she whimpered and I felt a need in her that rivaled my own. God, I wanted this woman. I wanted her in every way that forever would allow. Our tongues battled for control, but I wasn’t playing the game. She could have whatever she wanted. I trusted her enough to let her lead, but I still broke off the kiss and licked and nibbled my way to her ear. “I’m going to marry you, Tegyn. I mean it. This time, if you give me another chance, I’m never letting you go.”

She moaned and her head fell back, allowing me more access. I thought we were finally getting somewhere, but she froze and pushed me away. “We can’t. Keyon,” she murmured by way of explanation.

“I get it. And I’m trying to raise that boy right,” I explained. “I want him to see a loving relationship. I want him to grow up in a loving family. He’s still young enough that he can forget all this and heal from the damage his mother has caused.” I smoothed back her hair and stared into her eyes. “If you don’t want this, then stop making me fall in love with you, Tegyn. Stop being so damn perfect. Understand?” I stared down at her, even as my erection pressed against the juncture of her thighs. I knew she felt it. Every time I jerked in my pants, she’d whimper slightly and whether she knew it or not, she spread just a little wider. The only thing keeping me from burying myself deep inside her was four pieces of clothing and her permission. If I pushed, I was pretty sure I’d have it. But I wanted her to want this, to need this as badly as I did. I didn’t want her giving in. I wanted her cheeks flushed with need.

“It’s late,” Tegyn whispered. “I think I should get to bed.” She pushed me back ever so gently.

I stared sadly at her hand on my chest. “Okay. Whatever you want, baby.” And I clumsily moved back onto my end of the couch with my cock positively throbbing.

“I’m not sure I can get what I want,” she murmured sadly. “I just can’t risk it until I know…where I stand.”

I frowned. “I told you.”

She shook her head. “Get a divorce. File. Do something. I can’t lose you again.” Then she bounced off the couch with her laptop held tightly against her chest. I watched her scoot up the stairs and for the first time in a long time, I worried I’d have to masturbate, because this was a special kind of agony. Three years celibate and one night with her under my roof had me ready to explode.

I waited downstairs until nearly midnight when I was pretty confident she’d be asleep. After turning off all the lights, I double-checked all the locks on the doors and windows before trudging up the steps. First, I peeked in Keyon’s room. The little guy had kicked off his covers, but I quickly remedied that and planted a kiss on his cheek.

Then I tiptoed into Tegyn’s room. She had left the door open, almost like an invitation, whether it was intentional or not. She was under the covers, rolled onto her side, facing the door. I swear it felt like she’d been waiting for me. Not one to disappoint, I squatted beside her and whispered in her ear. “I love you, Tegyn. Sleep well, baby.” I smoothed the hair back from her face, only to realize she wasn’t wearing any pajamas, although there was a bathrobe on the floor beside her bed. Mother fucker. I inhaled sharply and backed away. No good could come from this.

I’d made it as far as my bathroom, where I began to undress and brush my teeth before bed, when I heard the first rustlings in Keyon’s room. I sped up my routine and wearing nothing but my boxer briefs, I exited my bathroom to make my way to his room. I’d barely reached my closet when I heard him whimpering for Tegyn. My heart hurt when I imagined how life had been for him, growing up with a mother like Camilla. She’d never been loving or nurturing. No wonder he latched onto Tegyn so quickly.