Sweet Taboo

I didn’t knowwhat to say, so I said nothing. I stared at the screen. He’d said it to me, but now I could feel how much he meant it. And the very idea of it kinda rocked my world.

Annie: And I bet you’re still in love with him too.

Whoa.I had to nip this in the bud.

Me: I didn’t say that. I don’t know what to think. How do I know it’s not just convenient? How do I know this isn’t about me being afraid to be alone?

Her response wasswift and she didn’t hold back.

Annie: If you were afraid to be alone, you wouldn’t have bought your house. And if it was only about convenience, you wouldn’t have been playing the ‘what if’ game about him all these years.

I gasped.

Me: How did you know?

Annie: I didn’t. It was a guess. And now I know I’m right.

Annie: So, what’s the problem?

Me: I’m scared. It feels too soon. And it’s not just him anymore. He has a son we need to consider.

Annie: Do kids still need a lot of love?

I made a face.What kind of question was that?

Me: From what I’ve heard, yes.

Annie: You’re full of love. So stop hiding. Stop running. Start embracing this second chance you get with a guy you’ve loved for a long time.

I took a few deep breaths.She was right. Dammit. Now she’d be impossible to be around.

Me: Okay, maybe I could start to embrace this and not be scared. I hope…

Annie: Good. Feel it. Give it a chance.

Me: Damn it. I don't want to. Feelings make a person vulnerable. I hate being vulnerable.

Annie: I know but let it flow. You've got all the good signs going on…

Me: I know. That's when it gets scary. Look at the horrible mess I've already made of things.

Me: It's like in Seinfeld where I've lost the upper hand. SMH. Stupid honesty.

Annie: No, stop! You're fine! He hasn't given you any reason to think that way yet.

Me: Bahaha. I know.

Annie: I get it though.

Me: Stupid emotions!

Annie: Right. I hate being a girl sometimes.

Me: I'm all cool until I start feeling.

Annie: We get caught up in our damn hormones too much. He’s hot, right?

Me: I think so. His skin is like dark chocolate and he melts me with one look in his eyes. He has this muscular build and when he holds me against him…we just fit.