She couldn’t do it. But she also couldn’t take her father’s ashes with her. If she returned to LA, he’d hate being stuck somewhere he’d always associated with illness and misery. If she decided to spread her wings and see the world, as he’d urged, she wasn’t sure where he’d get the rest he deserved.
Frozen with indecision, Heavenly gripped the urn so tightly the edge bit into her fingers. Tears spilled down her cheeks. She shuddered. For the first time since his death, she let her grief out of its cage. Sorrow stole the air from her lungs, sapping her strength. She fell to her knees, not caring that mud from a recent rain caked her pants and chilled her.
She had no idea how long she stayed that way. All she knew was that she’d never felt more alone and she’d never been so unsure about which path to take.
Somehow, she had to find the strength to get up, move forward. Fulfill her promise to Dad.
Instead, she sobbed, pressing her hand to her chest—and finding the beautiful Tiffany pendant Seth had given her. With a grateful sniffle, she gripped it in her fingers and drew from its strength. She’d never have her father’s loving guidance again, but she had Beck’s and Seth’s. The only thing she wanted in this world right now was their strong arms around her, supporting her, reassuring her. Steadying her.
Maybe it was unfair to call them, but they’d sworn they would be there for her. Hopefully, one of them would be awake this early, maybe help her figure out which path to take. Then she could fulfill the destiny her father had laid at her feet and finally start untangling her future.
With trembling fingers, she reached into her pocket, sucked back her tears, and dashed off a text in the hopes they’d answer.
* * *
Seth searchedthe sleek cabinets in Beck’s ultramodern kitchen for a coffee mug. Thankfully, the good doctor had been kind enough to leave a fresh pot before heading to the hospital. When Seth found a cup, he filled it to the brim and sucked back the steaming caffeine.
It was the first thing that had buoyed him in nearly twenty-four hours.
After seeing Heavenly off at the airport in Vegas yesterday, he and Beck had retrieved Raine’s car, then caravanned back to LA. They’d stopped briefly to deliver the keys, along with most of Heavenly’s worldly possessions, to Hammer and Liam’s little spitfire. Since neither he nor Beck had been in the mood to visit, they’d said their good-nights and left in his SUV.
“Where to?” he’d asked.
“Anywhere but that fucking condo.” Beck looked as glum as he felt.
Honestly, Seth would have rather shoved his balls in a vise than spend the night surrounded by Heavenly’s ghost. The not knowing when—or even if—she was coming back to them was killing him.
“Deal.” Seth had turned onto the freeway and driven to Beck’s house.
“Want to come in for a drink?” the doctor offered while he idled at the curb.
“Thanks. I’m not ready to stew in the silence at my shithole of an apartment.” Or think about the fact that he’d moved coasts to be with a woman who might not stick around.
“If you want, you’re welcome to crash in one of my guest rooms.”
Seth had been mentally and physically exhausted…and he’d liked the idea of being with the only other person who could understand the misery he was going through, so he’d accepted.
Gulping back more coffee, he strode to the far end of the kitchen and stared out the patio door, into the backyard. Any other day, Seth would have found peace in the morning sun twinkling off the waterfall of the multitiered infinity pool. Not today. What fitful sleep he’d managed last night hadn’t improved his outlook. Though Heavenly had texted them when her plane landed and again after checking into her motel—and he’d verified her position via her GPS tracker—worry still choked Seth.
He whipped out his phone to check her location again. Heavenly was a few miles from the motel in what looked like the middle of a field. She must be at the farm, spreading Abel’s ashes. He hoped like hell that would bring her some peace and clarity about where she belonged so she could start thinking about a future with them.
Of course, he’d rather be helping her through what must be the hardest thing she’d ever faced and proving she could rely on him. And Beck. Funny how the picture didn’t seem complete now without him. Then they’d take her home with them—for good.
But she’d chosen to grieve alone.
Trying not to envision Heavenly with anguished tears streaming down her face, Seth scrubbed a frustrated hand through his hair. Fuck, he couldn’t stand here and do nothing.
Bounding up the stairs, he made his way to the monochromatic-as-fuck bathroom and took a scalding shower. The steaming water did nothing to wash away his disquiet. Neither did checking Heavenly’s location again. She hadn’t moved in the last ten minutes. Was that a good sign…or bad?
Once dressed, he padded back to the kitchen, refilled his mug, and meandered to the pool. Still no peace. The incessant tick of the automatic sprinklers on the upper terrace chafed his nerves.
What the hell was he going to do today? And tomorrow? And all the other days without Heavenly? During his restless night, he’d thought about returning to New York. But he had nothing to go back to except a family who no longer needed him and a slew of memories, some really shitty. Besides, what if Heavenly returned?
Seth plopped onto Beck’s minimalist, white-on-white couch and picked up the TV remote. As he pointed the device at the big screen, a door snicked open and Beck stepped inside.
Seth glanced at his watch. “That didn’t take long.”
“Only had a few patients this morning.” Beck snagged Seth’s mug off the high-gloss melamine coffee table and took a gulp.