The Confession

Big Bear, California

April

Eight years ago, I killed my wife and son.

The words Seth Cooper had spoken moments ago echoed through the room and rattled around his head. Predictably, his girlfriend, Heavenly Young, and the man he shared her with, Dr. Kenneth Beckman, just stared at him in stunned, open-mouthed silence.

Fuck.

For months, Seth had buried this confession. Now he wished he could take it back. Since he couldn’t, he cleared his throat instead. “That’s it. Now you know. I’m going to go help Liam start repairing the house.”

Putting the mountain lodge back to rights after their battle earlier this morning with Beck’s long-lost religious fanatic “family”—who had brought an army, raided the mountain, and done their utmost to kill him in retaliation for betraying their sect and felling their leader years ago—was a shitload better than the people he loved staring at him like he was a monster.

But aren’t you?

Seth started to sweat. He couldn’t stand here, in the bedroom where he and Beck had made love to Heavenly like it might be their last time, and deal with his past breathing down his neck while his future gripped him by the throat. He needed air. He needed to breathe.

When he turned to leave, Beck grabbed the back of his shirt and marched him to the bed. “Sit the fuck down. What do you mean you killed your wife and son?”

Beck wanted gory details? After the morning full of gunfire, death, sorrow, and loss, Seth couldn’t word-vomit all this shit. He hadn’t wanted to ever talk about his nightmare again. Everything felt too raw. “Exactly what I said. Eight years ago, I was married to Autumn. We had a son, Tristan, who was three months old. And I was a cocky asshole who made stupid-ass mistakes that killed them.” He sprang to his feet. “That’s all I’m going to say.”

Heavenly gasped, settling a gentle hand over his. “Oh, Seth. I’m so sorry. Your wife and three-month-old? That must have been devastating. Obviously, you feel guilty, but it wasn’t your fault…”

He turned to her. After what he’d just confessed, his angel still wanted to touch him? Absolve him? “Worst fucking day of my life, but it was my fault. Every bit. It’s ancient history now. No sense digging it up.”

“Except it’s still wrecking you,” Beck pointed out. “I know you, man. You didn’t kill them yourself. What happened?”

Seth’s head pinged with a thousand things he could say. The horrible truth wasn’t one of them. Why couldn’t these two just leave it the fuck alone? The details would only make things worse, and after watching Beck’s youngest brother, Zacharias, struggle to cope with his wife’s and daughter’s deaths… It hit too close to home.

He stood. “I can’t do this right now. I’ve spent the last eight years trying to move the fuck on. I changed everything about my life, and I finally found some happiness. I can’t go back.”

Seth knew he shouldn’t, but as he prowled to the door, he glanced at Heavenly. She blinked at him. Her lips trembled as she fought tears. Her wide blue eyes said she was somewhere between dumbfounded and crushed. And he’d put that expression on her face because he was doing his damnedest to outrun his demons.

Not only are you a monster but you’re an asshole, too. Good job.

Before he could escape, Beck flattened his palm on the door and dropped his voice. “I get that you’re in a bad place, but you can’t just leave. We need to talk this out. Help us understand.”

Of course Beck wasn’t thrilled with his duck-and-run. The surgeon wanted him to spill his guts and explain it all away so they could go on with their happy lives. But there was no absolving him. There never would be.

If he submitted to their inquisition, it would only reinforce the fact he was a killer.

“I’ve told you everything you need to know. Interpret that however you want. The rest is my past, my problem, and my bullshit. Leave it the fuck alone,” he growled, then he yanked the door open. He didn’t dare look back before he slammed it behind him.

* * *

After Seth left, the door rattled in its frame, echoing in the still room. His anger and anguish bled into a silent scream that choked the air from Beck’s lungs.

What the fuck had just happened?

Even a blind man could see that Seth was barely keeping his shit together. Beck wasn’t entirely sure what was tearing him apart. Grief? Guilt? Either way, he wanted to drag Seth back and force him to spill his torment. Purge his pain. Whatever he needed. Seth couldn’t just turn his back on the love the three of them had worked so hard to grow. But if Beck pushed too hard, would Seth walk away altogether?

Christ, the blood isn’t even dry from my drama before another starts slicing us open.

“Beck?” Heavenly reached a quivering hand out to him. She looked stunned. He saw his own worry reflected in her eyes. “What was that? Why did Seth say he’d killed them? We both know he isn’t capable of that. He doesn’t mean that literally, right?”

“Seth is a protector. Despite what he says, he didn’t kill them on purpose.” So why had Seth convinced himself that he had?

Wrapping his arms around her, Beck drew Heavenly close, providing her a necessary anchor as he kissed the top of her head.