The Confession

“Oh, I’m sure,” Beck drawled.

“And they weren’t naked,” she went on as if no one else was speaking. “They were wearing these little weenie bikinis—at least at first.”

“Weenie bikinis? Oh, my god.” Gloria howled. “I’m gonna call them that from now on.”

“That’s what they looked like,” Heavenly pointed out. “All the girls went wild. They started stuffing money in the guys’ pouch things in places I didn’t know money could stick.”

“That’s why you always wash your hands after handling money, honey,” Gloria advised sagely as Buddy handed her a mug of steaming coffee.

“Good point.” Heavenly accepted hers from Buddy with a soft smile. Pausing, she blew on the brew and took a sip, then eyed him and Seth curiously.

“Is something wrong?” Beck asked. “Are you going to be sick?”

“No. I was just wondering… Can either of you do that helicopter thing with your”—Heavenly nodded toward their laps—“you know… your penises? Peeni? What’s the plural of penis?”

Beck closed his eyes, sighed, and counted to ten.

“Helicopter thing?” Seth repeated, sounding like he was seconds from losing his shit.

“Yeah. After the girls finished shoving money in the pouches, the firemen tore them off and started rolling their hips. Their…things started going round and round like helicopter blades.” She waved her finger in circles. “Can you guys do that with yours?”

Buddy lost his fight to hold in his laughter and Gloria chortled. Beck and Seth simply sat, utterly speechless and gaping at their girl.

“Or maybe they had to go to some school to learn that.” Heavenly paused, seeming to think it over. “Cherry said I should come to her school.”

“She did?” Gloria suddenly sobered.

“Yeah. I told her I was already in school to be a nurse. But she said that once I gradda…graddadate…graduated, I should enroll in her school because she could teach me something really useful.”

“Don’t do that,” Gloria warned.

“What kind of school?” Beck and Seth demanded at once.

“I-I don’t know,” Heavenly replied. “She never said.”

“Gloria?” Beck prodded, quickly losing patience.

Glancing toward the ceiling, his ex tried—and failed—to appear innocent. “Let it go.”

“That is not happening. Tell us,” Beck insisted.

His ex-wife blew out a futile breath. “It’s a…a squirting school.”

“A what?” Seth barked, looking furious.

“Squirting school?” Heavenly’s jaw dropped as pink stained her cheeks. “Does that mean what I think it means?”

“Yeah. You’re not enrolling, little girl,” Beck growled.

“Okay. But I bet the homework is fun,” Heavenly sighed wistfully.

At that, Beck roared with laughter. And Seth finally found his sense of humor and joined in.

“Drink your coffee, angel,” Seth instructed. “After that, we’ll pour you into bed.”

Dutifully, she did, then set her cup aside.

“I’ll get her some ibuprofen and water,” Beck volunteered as Seth lifted Heavenly off the couch. “You’re going to feel like homegrown hell in the morning.”