Taking the stairs two at a time, Seth disappeared to their bedroom, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to the cool wall while he tried to breathe past panic.
When he was no longer shaking, he jerked out of his clothes and stared at his suits hanging in a neat row next to Beck’s on the His side of the closet, taking up more than half the room. Heavenly’s things filled the other side, and it seemed so normal, so natural, to have their belongings, their bodies, and their lives entwined this way.
Would he have to walk away from all this?
Cursing, he yanked on swim trunks and a tank, found his flip-flops, then splashed some water on his face. Below, he heard the good doctor swagger in and drop his keys in the dish on the hall table, where all three sets lay together.
The clues had been staring him in the face for months. He’d been playing house. And they had placated him while he’d buried his head in the sand and tried to pretend there was no next step, no tomorrow.
What a fucking idiot he’d been.
“Is Zach coming for dinner?” he heard Heavenly ask.
Beck’s brother had become a semi-regular, stopping by two or three times a week to share a meal and conversation with the three of them. Seth had almost gotten used to the somber Beckman brother’s presence in the house. But Zach’s haunted expressions still sometimes took Seth back to the darkest days of his life. It kept him on edge.
“He said he had something else going on and he’d talk to me tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay.” Heavenly didn’t sound fazed. “Whatever it is, I hope he enjoys it.”
“Probably. He seems to be settling into his new life.”
“He does.”
Seth heard the smile in Heavenly’s voice. She cared about everyone around her, and he loved her for it.
A future without her sunshine would be black. It would be worse than losing Autumn.
“Seth?” she called up the stairs.
He dried off his face, then told himself to pull his head out of his ass and act normal. “Yeah?”
“Are the twins coming for dinner? I made plenty.”
Taking a deep breath, he made his way down the stairs, well aware that he could no longer stand in place. He had to make a decision soon.
When he reached the lower level, he found Heavenly plating her kabobs and Beck on the patio, just outside the open door, lighting up the grill. “They’re working tonight and tomorrow before their epic send-off bash Saturday night, then catching their plane back to New York on Sunday.”
Thank fuck he wouldn’t have to lie to his brothers about his relationship with Heavenly for much longer.
“So I guess it’s just us tonight,” she said with a shrug.
“Yep.” Beck grinned as he lowered the lid on the grill. “I’m okay with that because I’ve missed you.”
It had been a busy week, and they hadn’t spent much time together. Or had Seth been unconsciously avoiding them since the wedding?
“I’ve missed you.” She smiled at the surgeon, then turned to him, her expression wobbling. “Both of you.”
He swallowed hard. “I’ve missed you, angel.”
Seth could say that in all honesty. Without her, he felt like a parched man crawling through the desert, a thousand miles from water.
The curl of her lips turned upside down. Concern clouded her face. “Is something wrong?”
Jesus, he couldn’t talk about this now. He wasn’t ready. But he fucking needed to touch her. He needed to be with them.
He turned to Beck. “How long before we have to put the kabobs on?”
The surgeon seemed to sense he was in a mood. “How long do you need?”