“You mean besides plucking you off the couch and carrying you back to bed?”
“Besides that.” Suddenly Beck sobered, and Heavenly’s anxiety surged. “What is it?”
“There’s something I’ve wanted to discuss with you for a while, but there never seemed to be a good time between work, Zach, Gloria’s wedding, and Seth’s brothers. This summer has been crazy.”
“It has, but I always want to hear about whatever is troubling you. Talk to me.”
Beck turned serious, resting his elbows on his knees and lowering his head. At the tension in his posture, more trepidation filled Heavenly. She gently stroked his back, both to comfort him and draw on his strength, as she steeled herself for whatever he needed to say.
“Do you still want kids?”
That’s what’s weighing on him?
“I know you’re young,” he went on. “You’re still going to school and volunteering at the hospital. You’ve been adjusting to life here with Seth and me. I’m grateful you put off finding a new job this summer so you could help Zach acclimate, so the last thing I want to do is put more pressure on you. But I have to know”—he tensed and pinned her with a solemn stare that broke her heart—“is getting married and having babies still on the table?”
They’d discussed that at the lodge months ago. Everything had been so busy and complicated since. And with Seth’s seeming uncertainty about their future, it was no wonder Beck felt unsure.
“Yes. It is as far as I’m concerned.” It had been weighing heavily on her mind since Seth had opened up about the tragic deaths of his wife and son. Of course, she could never replace Autumn, and no child she bore would bring back Tristan…but she’d wondered if having a family again would help him heal and feel whole. “I think about it a lot, actually.”
Tension left his body with a heavy sigh, then he wrapped her in a tight hug. “Fuck. You have no idea how happy I am to hear that, little girl. I was afraid you’d changed your mind.”
“No, I simply haven’t been pushing him the way you have, especially about kids.”
Beck grimaced. “You’ve noticed?”
“It’s impossible to ignore the push-pull between you two in bed. Even when you both have me mindless and pleading, I still feel it.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to make everything awkward, I’m just hoping Seth will put the past behind him and move forward with us, the way we planned before… Well, before.”
“You don’t think he’ll come around on his own?”
“Honestly?” Beck sighed. “I have no clue.”
“I think he’ll get there. He’s doing better. It’s slow, but he made peace with Zach. That’s a positive step.”
“Yeah,” Beck conceded. “But that was two months ago. He hasn’t made much progress since.”
“That’s not true. The night before Gloria’s wedding he almost…you know, without a condom.”
Beck grinned. “I love that we can arouse you into doing some of the dirtiest, sexiest things, but you still blush when you try to talk about them.”
She slapped his arm playfully. “Stop it. You know I’m right. Not that Seth forgoing the condom would have mattered that night. I started my period the next day.”
“Oh, I remember, damn it. But him almost fucking your pretty little pussy bare that night isn’t the same as him actually doing it.”
“But still… Baby steps.”
He shrugged. “So you think we should keep waiting for Seth to work out his fears?”
“I don’t think we can force him to move past them. And I’m okay with waiting if that’s what he needs.”
“How long? Until you get out of school?”
“That would be practical,” she pointed out. “It would be harder to study and work with an infant.”
“True, but the difficulty wouldn’t last forever. The three of us could make it work. It would be worth it.”
“It would,” she agreed. “But only if Seth is on board. He’s not right now. I haven’t put a mental deadline on how long I’m willing to wait. I’m not in a huge hurry. Are you?”