“My son.” I stopped at the door and turned back to face a too close Julian. “Hank is my son.”
“You have a kid? Here?”
I opened the door and walked in to find Blake standing, still rocking Hank, and Isaac hovering around them. Biting my lip to keep from smiling at the sight, I walked closer and saw that Hank was awake and looked teary-eyed. “Did he wake up?”
“It’s my fault. I tried to stand up without disturbing him, but I must’ve jostled him just enough to startle him. He woke up mad about it.”
I gently took Hank and held him against my chest, patting his butt ever so lightly. “There we go, baby boy. You’re okay. Momma’s got you.”
Isaac grunted. “That’s all it took, huh? Nothing we did worked.”
Blake frowned. “I think my feelings are hurt.”
Laughing, I cradled the back of Hank’s head and walked around the kitchen, noticing there was ice cream out on the counter, next to a couple of big sandwiches. I pointed at the ice cream and looked over at Isaac. “Mine?”
He nodded and handed me a spoon while he scooped a big bowl full of the chocolate goodness. “So. You two good?”
I shoved a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth between patting Hank and glanced back at Julian, who’s gone non-verbal. Shrugging, I looked away and tried to ignore the fact that Hank and his father were in the same room. My hands shook, but I tried to hide it by shoveling more ice cream into my mouth.
“Julian? You good?”
“So. The three of you are just hanging out…with a baby?” Shaking his head, Julian scratched his beard. “How old is the kid?”
I dropped my spoon and winced when Hank let out a loud wail. “Sorry, sorry.”
Isaac cleaned up my mess while Blake rubbed Hank’s little back. “What’s wrong, little guy?”
“He didn’t nap today, so he’s cranky. It’s my fault. I kept him up to spend time with him. I can just go.” I looked around frantically for his bag, even as he started crying louder. “I’m sorry.”
Isaac caught me and pulled me into his arms. “Slow down. He’s okay. Unless you just want to go home, we can handle him letting us know he’s angry for a bit.”
I blinked back overwhelmed tears and kept my head planted in his chest. “He’ll stop soon. He’s just exhausted.”
“He’ll stop when he’s done and then I’ll pour you something to drink to go with your ice cream. How does that sound?”
I nodded and pulled away. “I’m just going to get him settled on your bed.”
Hank calmed down pretty much once we were in the dark bedroom. I rocked him and sang him the lullaby that Kara had sung to me when I was little. In under a minute, he was passed out again, his little thumb shoved into his mouth.
“You’ve got a pretty voice.” Julian’s low tone came from right behind me, and I jumped. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
I shook my head. “You’re fine. Help me make a pillow wall around him?”
My brain screamed at me that what I was doing was weird. Having Julian help with Hank was wrong when he didn’t know. It was wrong that he didn’t know. It was wrong that I was there with them in the first place. Everything I was doing was wrong.
Julian stayed quiet as he helped me arrange pillows around Hank. He sat on the bed across from me and stared at Hank. “He’s cute.”
I sank down next to Hank and looked him over. He was more than cute. He was perfect. While he was sleeping, it was harder to see Julian in him, but when his eyes were open, the pale blue color gave it away. To me, anyway. “I’m just going to stay with him for a bit to make sure he stays asleep.”
He studied Hank for a moment more and then left me there, silently worrying about what he saw when he looked at our son. I was so scared of what he’d do if he knew. How much of Hank would he want? How much could I share without dying a little?
I laid down next to Hank and fought the urge to scoop him up and run. It wasn’t easy. Closing my eyes and holding his little hand in mine, I told myself I’d stay there for a few minutes and then go back out to talk to the guys.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up to pee. Without recognizing that I wasn’t in my own bed, I checked on Hank and then went to the bathroom. It wasn’t until I was washing my hands that I realized I wasn’t at Kara’s house. I found my reflection looking back at me, looking tired and rumpled. I pulled my hair into a bun and wiped smudged mascara from under my eyes before going out to find the guys.
I found them asleep on the couches in the living room. Isaac and Blake. I didn’t see Julian. I instantly felt so guilty, seeing their big bodies folded awkwardly to fit on a couch too small for them. I grabbed the heavy quilt from the back of the couch and draped it over Isaac before taking the blanket from the floor and shaking it out. Covering Blake with it, I stepped back and rubbed my face. Things were weird.
I liked them. I didn’t know how I liked them when I’d barely known them and I’d barely spent any time with them, but I did. They seemed like good guys. I was in over my head, though. I wasn’t someone who could balance having sex with multiple men. I was barely able to make it to the grocery store while raising a kid, much less balance relationships.