“What did you say?” Blake’s voice was too calm, too low. He sounded angry.
Kara stammered. “Um. I thought you’d already told him, Mallory. That’s why I came in and did the thing when I heard him comforting you. Why didn’t you tell him? Oh, god.”
“Just a fucking second.” Blake held up his hands and looked at me. “Did she really just say that Hank, that Hank, the one you’re holding, is Julian’s? Julian, as in my brother? As in you had my brother’s baby?”
“Don’t swear at my sister, Blake Steele. I’ll rip your balls off and mount them to my dashboard.” Kara came out blazing, teeth bared and eyes furious.
Blake actually winced. “I’m not swearing at her. I think I was swearing at you.”
“Oh, then, that’s fine.” Back to normal, Kara shrugged and looked at me. “I’m so sorry, Mal. I didn’t mean to do that.”
“Before I swear at anyone again, someone had better answer my question.”
I finally clicked back into action and rocked Hank against my chest. Turning to face Blake, I blinked back tears and nodded. “He’s Julian’s.”
Sinking into his chair, Blake scrubbed his hands over his face and then stood back up. “Okay. I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I know. I’m so sorry I kept it from you. I just… I was scared.” I groaned when I realized I was already crying. “It’s not a good excuse for what I did, but I am sorry.”
“Does Julian know?”
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
Groaning, Blake walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. “You need to tell him.”
I nodded against his chest and held onto his warmth and comfort for as long as I could before he backed away and looked down at Hank. “I’m going to tell him. I’m just…I’m still scared. I don’t want to upset him. I know I’m no better than Grace, though, and what she did to him. Maybe I’m even worse.”
Kara snorted. “No fucking way you’re anywhere near that. You’re a good and decent woman and if Blake here doesn’t see that and tell you that soon, I’ll have to remind him of the balls on the dash thing.”
Blake growled. “Relax, big sis; I know that she’s amazing. I’m crazy about her.”
I handed Hank to Kara and walked away. “I just need a second.”
Retreating to the bathroom, I didn’t even get the door shut before Blake was there, pushing me farther into the room and closing the door behind him. We were in the dark, but then he wrapped his arms around me and tugged me into his chest.
The nearly two years of keeping things together and trying to be everything I could be were catching up to me. I had this consuming fear that it was all coming crashing down on me and that I was going to lose everything in the end. Like somehow even Hank would be taken away and I’d be left completely alone.
“Shh, baby, you’re fine.” Blake stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head. “You’re freaking out a little, aren’t you? But things are okay. The secret’s out and things are going to be okay.”
“You keep saying things are okay. Are they not okay? Julian is going to freak out, isn’t he? He’s going to be hurt that I kept it a secret. I took a year of Hank’s life from him. He’ll hate me. If he hates me, you can’t be with me. You have to pick him.”
“You’re getting ahead of yourself.” Feeling around until he found the light and flicked it off, he held my face in his hands and tipped my face up to his. “We’ll tell him together. He’ll probably be cranky, but that’s nothing new. He’ll get over it, especially when he gets over it and realizes he has a son.”
My stomach fluttered. “I didn’t know any of this was going to happen. I just feel so scared.”
“Of what, Mal?”
“Of losing everything.” I looked down at my feet. “Of losing Hank.”
“No one is going to take Hank from you. They’d have to go through me first. Do you understand me? Now, come on. We need to go talk to Julian.”