I grabbed Blake and tried to pull him, but he was too strong. He just dragged me closer to the fight. “It’s my fault! Be mad at me! Please, stop!”
Blake threw another punch at Julian, but Julian managed to turn Isaac into it. Julian lashed out at Blake, but Blake swung his big body backward to dodge it and elbowed me in the face.
I went down hard, my mouth instantly throbbing while little birds circled over my head. I blinked as my vision straightened and I looked up to find the three brothers being separated by ranch hands who’d seen the fight and come running. I rubbed my jaw and felt blood dripping from my split lip, but I wasn’t too bad off, from what I could tell. The hit had definitely knocked some of the panic out of me, though.
Isaac was the first one to notice that I was on the ground, bleeding. He swore and shook off the man holding him to come to my side. “Shit, Mal. You okay?”
Blake and Julian realized what’d happened next, and Blake’s face paled. “Oh, fuck, baby. I did that, didn’t I? I’m so fucking sorry. Oh, fuck.”
Julian stood still, his arms still being held by two men. He looked me over and then at his brothers kneeling on each side of me. There was pain clear in his eyes, but it hardened to anger as I watched. “Cute family.”
I pulled myself to my feet and winced when my entire face ached. “Julian, this is all my fault. They didn’t know. I was trying to figure out how to tell you. I didn’t mean to do this. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want you to fight.”
“Too bad.” Julian shook himself free and turned away. “You know what? You three can do whatever the fuck you want, but I’m not doing this again. I’m not doing this shit.”
“And what if I want you? What if I want you here with us?” My voice broke, and I took a deep breath. “I was wrong not to tell you about Hank. He deserves you in his life.”
Julian stopped, but he didn’t turn to look back at me. “You don’t even know me. Just tell him Blake or Isaac is his dad and he’ll never have to know.”
“Goddammit, Julian, I want you here!” I walked after him, my heart pounding. I realized I was pouring out my stupid heart in front of a bunch of random men, but I was desperate. “I’ve thought of you almost every day since that first time. I wondered what things could’ve been like if they were different. I should’ve found you and told you, but I was just so fucking scared.”
Spinning around and glaring at me, Julian pointed at me and then dropped his hand. “Just stop it. You made the decision to keep me out of your life and Hank’s life every day since he was born. If you think you need me to have my brothers, you don’t. They don’t have a ton of loyalty to the fuck-up brother.”
“Just listen to me!”
“Fuck that. I’m done here.” He looked me over and shook his head. “I’m going back to my cabin. I don’t need any of this bullshit.”
I watched as he stomped off to his motorcycle and roared away on it. I stood there, feeling like I’d ruined everything. My face hurt, and I’d just put the final nail in the coffin that was the Steele brothers’ relationship. I didn’t even want to face them.
“Can someone give me a ride home?” I kept my eyes on the ground and wrapped my arms around myself.
“Come inside and talk to us, Mal. Let me put some ice on your…face. Jesus.” Isaac appeared in front of me and frowned when he looked at me. “We definitely need to get some ice on that.”
“I want to go home. I think I need Kara.”
Blake’s face was grim as he stood in front of me and looked me over. “I’ll take you. I deserve whatever murder attempt she’ll have for me.”
“Mal, you didn’t do this. This was a long time coming.” Isaac sighed and gently kissed my forehead. “This isn’t over.”
I just nodded and walked back to Blake’s truck. I got in and buckled my seatbelt, eyes straight ahead as Blake got in and started the truck. My heart was in my throat. I felt like I’d just ruined their relationship and ruined whatever chance Hank had with his father. All because I’d been selfish and cruel. I was a monster.
“I am so fucking sorry, Mal. I can’t believe I hurt you.” Blake’s voice shook with emotion. “I swear to you that I didn’t mean to do that.”
I choked back a sob and looked at him. “I don’t care about my face. I know you didn’t mean to. You need to be more worried about what just happened with Julian. I broke your relationship.”
“Fuck that. That fight has been in the making for years. We’ll be fine.” Shaking his head, he reached over and grabbed my hand. “And I care about your face. I care that I hurt you.”
“It’s only fair after I hurt you.”
“Fuck, Mallory, you didn’t hurt me. You might’ve hurt Julian, but you didn’t mean to. And he’ll get over it. You can’t be this hard on yourself.”
I pulled my hand away from him and turned into my window. “I hate myself right now. I don’t want to hear you try to make me feel better. I don’t deserve it.”
“Dammit, Mallory, this isn’t productive.”
We were just outside of Kara’s neighborhood, so I managed to hold my tongue until we were in her driveway. Then, I just threw open the door and jumped out, hurrying up to the front door. I let myself in and hurried up to my room, stopping only after I closed and locked my bedroom door. Leaning against it, I let myself cry finally.
Barely a few seconds passed before Kara was at my door and knocking to come in. When I didn’t act fast enough, she unlocked the door somehow and slipped in. Taking one look at my face, she swore and moved to leave, but I caught her arm.
“I tried to break up a fight. No one tried to do this.”
She shook with anger. “I’m still going to murder them. All three of them. Unless there were other people involved, too. Maybe I’ll just murder the entire fucking town. You need ice and pain meds.”
I sank onto my bed and blinked through tears. “I just need to have you hold me while I cry like you used to.”
“Oh, honey.” Sitting next to me, she wrapped me in her arms and held me tight. “It’s all going to be okay. I promise.”
Full out sobbing, I wasn’t sure how it would be. Okay felt impossible.