Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ihurriedthroughmymorning routine and changed into the outfit Kara had packed for me, which ended up being a pair of leggings and an oversized t-shirt. She knew comfort. I left my braids in and then walked out to find Julian sitting on the couch, holding Hank.
My stomach fluttered and my heart slammed into my throat. Tears filled my eyes, and I froze where I was standing. It was what I wanted, and I felt hopeful seeing it. Even if Julian didn’t want me, he’d still be Hank’s father.
“Is this okay?” Julian came to his feet and stood there while Hank tugged at his beard.
“Of course, it’s okay. You’re his father.”
“I was an asshole.” He moved closer. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I would be standing here for the rest of my life. Knowing that I put you in danger is something I’ll never forgive myself for. You and Hank.”
I was crying, but there was no hiding it. I glanced around and saw that Blake and Isaac were sitting on the front porch, giving their brother space to make things right. If he could. “I’m so mad at you, Julian. And I feel guilty for being mad at you because I hurt you first. But you were cruel to me.”
He came even closer. “I fucked up. Iamfucked up. I’m not like Blake and Isaac. They have everything together, and I just never have. Everyone sees it. I just figured you would, too.”
“You’re not like them, no. They’re not like each other, either. The three of you are all different. And I like you each for who you are. I don’t like them because they have their shit together, though, Julian. I’m not Grace.”
“No, you’re not. You tried to tell me that, but I wasn’t listening.”
“No one here wants anything from you, other than you. You should hear the way your brothers talk about you. Not today, maybe, but normal days. They care about you so much and they just want to be good with you again.”
“It’s embarrassing how much I feel like a failure. I never wanted to run anything, not like they did. I liked just helping them. After Grace, though, that felt like a bad thing. I needed my own thing, and I needed to be away from them. I felt like I brought them down. And I resented them for me feeling that way.” He grimaced. “Look what me doing my own thing did, though.
“She’s a fucking demon, and it seems like she spent a lot of energy and time breaking you down. You didn’t deserve any of that. You’re not a failure, Julian.”
“I’m terrified of you. I have been since that first day. It never felt like that with anyone before. I thought about you almost every fucking day. For nearly two years. Then I saw you with my brothers and I just thought it was going to be the same again. Once again, I wouldn’t be good enough. Only this time, it mattered even more. And then you told me about Hank.”
“I’m still so sorry for keeping it from you, Julian. I was wrong.”
“Well, judging by how yesterday went, maybe you should’ve never told me.” He shook his head. “I got you both kidnapped.”
I looked at Hank staring up at Julian in awe, his little face so happy, and I felt something in me slide into place. “We should start over. If you want.”
He looked up at me with a hopeful smile that transformed his entire face. I’d never seen that look from him before, and I felt a part of me fall for him. “I want.”
“Well, it’s a little awkward because I’ve already given birth to your child.” I grinned. “Look at me, telling you upfront.”
“I always wanted to be a father.” He blinked away tears and shrugged. “Kind of more than I ever wanted to be anything else.”
I closed the space between us and hugged him. I just wanted to soothe his wounds and show him that he was cared for. He didn’t have to fight anymore.
“Why Hank, by the way? Not that I don’t love it. It’s a strong name for a strong little boy.”
I blushed and pulled back. “Family name?”
“Try again.” He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me back into his chest. He was holding his son and the woman who wanted to be his.
I sucked in a big breath and blew it out before meeting his gaze. “When we met, there was a Hank Williams Jr. song playing. I remember thinking you had that wild look to you, and it fit the song. When I realized I was pregnant, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, but I wanted to pay homage to that moment.”
“So you named him Hank.”
I nodded. “I wasn’t lying to you when I told you I’ve thought about you basically every day. I just never thought this would be a possibility.”
He kissed me, lingering and breathing me in with his forehead pressed against mine. “I’m not letting you go. We’re going to be a family, and we’ll work through whatever comes up along the way. I’ll get a different job and move to the ranch so we can all be together.”
“You’re definitely going to have to get another job.”
“I’m sorry, Red.”