Pippa sagged, putting down her half-eaten croissant. “He split when I was younger. Not that I can entirely blame him. My mother was difficult to say the least. He died a few years ago and left me the money I’m currently surviving on until I get my business up and running.”
Cam frowned. “You’re obviously not close to your family.”
“Give the man a cigar,” she drawled. “Did anyone ever tell you how observant you are?”
“Cut the sarcasm, Pippa. Talk to me here.”
“You know, your gall astonishes me. We’re supposed to be talking about you. That was the deal.”
His jaw tightened and bulged. “It solves nothing.”
“Oh, yeah? Maybe not for you. But see, here’s the thing. I’m having your baby, and I kind of need to know if I can expect more outbursts like today. Like maybe you run out on his birthday party because you suddenly can’t deal. We’re going to talk about it, Cam, because if we don’t, I’m out of here and I won’t be back.”
“Is that a threat, Pippa?”
She met his gaze without blinking. “I’m not threatening you. I’m making you a promise.”
He shoved his plate aside and got up, nearly knocking the stool over. He stalked out of the kitchen and into the living room, his hands shoved tightly into his pants pockets.
Undaunted, she followed, coming to a stop a few feet behind him. For a long moment, Cam faced away from her, anger radiating in waves. Then he jerked around, his eyes ablaze.
“I had another son. Colton. And a wife. Elise.”
Pippa’s eyes widened in surprise. She hadn’t expected this. She opened her mouth, then snapped it shut again.
“Nothing to say?” he snapped.
She ignored the anger that emanated from him, knew it was how he was maintaining control when he was barely hanging on. Suddenly she understood a lot of things. She wouldn’t prod the wounded lion and she wouldn’t get angry and defensive over his terseness.
“What happened?” she asked softly.
“I lost them. I lost them both. He was just a baby. The most beautiful, sweet baby in the world. Elise was… She was wonderful. Young. Vibrant. So full of life. She was a wonderful mother.”
Pain vibrated in his voice and her heart clenched at the grief still evident in his eyes.
“I could bear the thought of a daughter,” he choked out. “I even looked forward to it. But not a son. It feels too much like I’m replacing Colton.”
Her mouth fell open in shock. She wanted to immediately deny that by having another son he was somehow replacing his first child, but she remained silent. It may make no sense to her, but it was evident by the torment in Cam’s eyes that he absolutely believed it.
How could she argue with something so deeply ingrained?
She stood there a long moment, trying to make sense of it. She looked down at the tiny swell of her belly and was overwhelmed by a fierce need to protect her baby. She glanced back up at Cam, her jaw as tight as his had been.
Anger and sorrow warred inside her. Sorrow for him. For such a horrific loss. But anger that her child would pay the price.
“So you’d deny this child your love because he had the misfortune to be born the wrong sex?”
Cam’s nostrils flared and his eyes flashed with anger. He advanced toward her, bristling with outrage. “I never said that.”
“But nothing you’ve said or done so far tells me any different.”
He dragged a hand through his hair, rumpling it even more than it already was. “I’m trying here, Pippa. I’m trying really damn hard. You know I didn’t want this.”
“I get that! Okay? I understand. Believe me, you’ve made yourself more than clear on the matter. You didn’t want me. You didn’t want our child. But you know what? He didn’t have a choice in the matter. It’s not his fault his parents are brainless twits who didn’t do enough to prevent his conception. But you know what else? I’m not sorry.”
She broke off, her chest heaving.
“I’m not sorry,” she said again, more fiercely this time. “I’ll never be sorry that the condom broke. I want this child. I want our son. If you want to wallow in the past and deny yourself the miracle that this child is, that’s your problem. But I don’t have to put up with your stupid crap.”
She turned around and stomped toward the front door, yanking up the purse she’d dropped when she’d stormed in earlier. She really had no idea if John was around. At this point, she didn’t care. She’d walk to Ashley’s if she had to.
“Pippa!”
She yanked open the front door, walked out into the night and then slammed it behind her.
Oh, boy, was she an idiot. She’d fallen into bed with him. Even after he’d ditched her at the doctor’s office. He’d been clear from the start, and yet she kept agreeing to see him. Like she had some desperate hope that she was going to be the one to heal him.
She stalked down the driveway, determined to put as much distance between herself and the source of her stupidity as possible.
“Pippa! Damn it! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
She flinched as Cam roared at her from the doorway. She pulled out her cell, hoping like hell that Ashley was home tonight. If not, it was going to be a long-ass walk to public transportation.
When she reached the end of the driveway and turned toward Ashley’s house, the beam of headlights flashed over her and the growl of an engine sounded. Cam pulled up beside her and rolled his window down.
“Get into the damn truck, Pippa. This is insane.”
She turned to look at him, never breaking stride. “What’s insane is me staying at your house another minute. I’m going to Ashley’s. I’ll be fine.”
He swore a streak that scorched her ears. Then he pulled the SUV in front of her and stopped on the shoulder. He got out and strode back to meet her.
“Look, at least let me give you a ride to Ashley’s. You don’t need to be out walking around in the dark alone.”
“As long as you promise to drive straight to Ashley’s.”
“Get in,” he growled.
She walked around to the passenger’s side, got in and slammed the door shut. She didn’t even look his way when he got back in and put the SUV in Drive.
When he started to speak, she jerked around and put her hand out to silence him. “Just save it, Cam. I don’t want to hear it.”
He fell silent again and turned into Devon and Ashley’s driveway. He pulled to the front and she slipped out almost before he came to a full stop. She slammed the door shut and walked toward the front door, never once looking back.
Ashley opened the door before she got there and only then did Cam pull away.
“Pippa? What on earth is going on?”
Tears filled Pippa’s eyes as she stopped in front of her friend. “I need a place to stay tonight, Ash. Is it okay if I crash here?”
Thirteen
“Look, Dev, I know he’s your friend, but he makes me crazy,” Pippa said.
Devon handed her a glass of juice with a look of sympathy.
“He’s a hard-ass, honey. Always has been.”
Ashley wrapped her arms around Pippa, or at least as much as she could with a bulging, ginormous belly. The two of them looked like poster children for fertility. Only, Ashley had a loving husband—at least Devon was over the moon about the impending birth of his child.
Pippa sniffled and swallowed some of the juice even knowing she’d suffer for it later.
“I can’t believe he’s so freaked because we’re having a boy.”
Devon glanced uneasily at both women, and who could blame him? One pregnant hormonal woman was enough, but two? He was probably ready to either start drinking or run screaming into the night. Maybe both.
“I get that it’s hard to lose people you love. I suppose some part of me should be all, ‘Awww, you poor thing,’ and fawn all over him, pat him on the back and be understanding, but damn it, I can’t do that!”
Pippa wiped angrily at her face and leaned forward on the couch to put her glass on the coffee table.
Devon slowly shook his head. “No, Pippa, I think you did right. Sympathy is the last thing he needs. Cam is my oldest friend, but it’s time for him to move on with his life and stop rehashing and living in the past.”
She nodded miserably. “It makes me seem heartless and I’m not. Really. It breaks my heart to see him so tortured but how does he think it’ll make our child feel to know he was rejected because his father didn’t want to make it look like he was replacing his first son with his second?”
“You’re protecting your baby,” Ashley said in a fierce voice. “You should never apologize for that. Cam’s an idiot.”
Pippa cringed. “It doesn’t make you an idiot to mourn people you love. I get that. I do. What makes him an idiot is not being able to look past something horrific and see that he’s being given a second chance. This baby won’t replace Colton. No one could ever do that. I don’t know how to make Cam see that. At this point, I don’t even know if I want to try. I’m tired. Tired of this stupid game we’re playing where we both pretend that we don’t want more and that we’re happy having this superficial relationship. I’m not happy. I’ll never be happy with a man who gives me only a part of himself. I’m a selfish bitch. I want it all.”
Devon cracked a grin and Ashley hugged her all over again. Pippa remained in her friend’s arms for a long moment, soaking up every bit of comfort she could.