Her Big Neighbor

“I’m not bringing a date to the gala,” my mother says sharply. “I’m going to have enough to work to focus on without having a man hanging on my arm that I have to entertain and introduce.”

I sigh. “That’s not what I meant. I know you’re going to be busy, but it’s going to be a party. You could still have a good time.”

She moves the book she’s looking at to the pile of books to donate. “I don’t need to have a good time. I need people to donate their money and time. Everything needs to be polished and perfect.”

I put the jelly cookbook on the pile to donate too without even asking. That shit needs to go. “Aside from the charity, Mom. I just want you to have fun. Have you ever thought about dating again? I’ve never seen you with anyone…and since I’ve been gone I thought you might be lon—”

Mom stops and looks at me. Her eyes are so intensely focused that I stop speaking. “Where is this coming from?”

The words strike me in the chest. “Does it have to be coming from anywhere? I don’t have to have an ulterior motive to want you to be happy.”

“You’ve never mentioned this. I can’t remember a single time when you’ve asked me about dating before.”

“That’s not true,” I say, laughing. “I have asked you about it before. I’ve asked you about Dad.”

“This isn’t really about me though, is it. It’s about that boy next door.”

Fuck. It’s really not. I’m not sure what prompted me to ask my mother about dating when I know full well it’s always been a non-starter the many times I’ve asked her about it. But her turning it around on me and sniffing out what I could possibly have with Edward is definitely not where I want to be. Especially since he was just inside me literally ten minutes ago.

Sometimes, especially now, I forget that Mom is a lawyer and she can sense a buried secret from a mile away.

“It’s not about Edward,” I say, deflecting. “You’re working hard, and I think you deserve to be happy when you’re going to be doing good for so many people. After so many years of taking care of me. Seriously.”

She turns towards me, physically moving so that she’s sitting square on. “What did Edward say while he was here. Did he ask you out? Did he say anything about thinking that I’m lonely?”

“I—” I don’t even know what the fuck to say to that. “No. Just small talk.” And fucking. “He wanted to know more about the party and the charity, so I told him. Honestly the whole thing didn’t even take that long.” The plastering, at least.

“Listen, honey.” She’s using a tone that I know well. Placating and pleading at once. It’s ridiculously effective, and has been my entire life. “I know that you moved back here because I asked you to and I needed help. And I know that you’re an adult. But the work we’re doing, it’s important. While you’re here, I’d really rather your focus be here. On the work we’re doing.”

I press my lips together for a moment, and take a breath before speaking. “Mom, this isn’t about Edward. It’s not. But if I choose to date, it’s not going to change the fact that I’m helping. I can do both.”

“No, you can’t. Take it from me, Julia. Being involved with someone warps your mind. There’s something about a man’s dick—once it’s inside you, there’s no going back. Everything starts to change. Your mind gets twisted and you can’t think and everything becomes about that. And I need your mind here with me. The early stages of a charity are so important, and I need this to work. So let’s just focus on what’s in front of us before anything else.”

Like the conversation is over, she turns back to the bookshelf. Aside from the fact that I don’t love hearing my mother talk about dick, I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now. Shock or hurt or anything else. But I owe Edward an apology. Maybe he’s seen more of my mother and her hatred of men over the last couple of years than I have. Because it seems worse now than it ever did.

I have to wonder if something happened that I don’t know about, but now clearly isn’t the time to ask. I’ve been dismissed.

Now it doesn’t seem like a stretch that Edward thought he needed to get Mom’s permission first. No matter if I am an adult.

I don’t say anything as I get up off the floor, and neither does she. And as I go up the stairs to my room, I’m already pulling out my phone.

Fuck. Even though that was not a great conversation, I’m glad it happened. Everything is a whole lot clearer now. Maybe on some level my mom is right and once that dick gets in you, it twists your mind. Unfortunately for her, if that is true, it’s already too late.