Kitchen Boss

I pause because I realize she’s not just talking about what I did. She’s talking about what happened yesterday, too.

I stop walking. “Cathy.”

“Yes?” She stops and turns to me.

“Thank you for finding Maisie.”

She shakes her head. “I was worried about her, too. You know how much she means to me.”

“And I’m sorry,” I add. “For the things I said this morning.”

I draw a deep breath.

“And for yesterday, for – ”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Cathy cuts me off. “I was the one who drank too much wine. I… seduced you.”

My eyebrows arch at the confession.

She looks away with blushing cheeks. “What I’m saying is, I asked for it. I agreed to it. I’m… just as guilty as you. So you’re right, it was immature of me and unfair to blame it all on you.”

“But you still think it’s a crime?” I ask her. “You still regret it?”

Cathy tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, I can’t say I enjoyed it. I mean, I barely remember it. I would have wanted to, what with it being my first time and all.”

Is that why she feels bad?

I grab her hand. “We can do it again, while you’re sober. This time, you’ll remember it. And you’ll enjoy it.”

I’ll make sure she does.

Cathy pulls her hand away and tucks it inside her elbow as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Jackson, I… I don’t know if we should. We’re not a real couple, remember?”

“We could be,” I tell her. “You know how I feel about you.”

I told her I didn’t see her as a little sister, and I mean it.

She touches the side of her neck. “But I don’t know how I… feel about you. I’m… not even sure if I’m ready to feel anything other than pain and loneliness and…”

I take her hand once more. “You told me I deserve to be happy. The same applies to you. Trisha would want you to be happy, too.”

“I know that, but…” She sighs as she fails to find the words to express how she feels.

“But you can’t help but feel guilty, feel like it’s wrong for you to be alive and happy when she’s not?” I guess her thoughts.

The look Cathy gives me tells me I’m right.

“It’s just not right,” she says. “We said we’d do everything together. We said we’d never leave each other behind.”

“But she’s…”

“Dead, I know.” Cathy’s voice cracks. “Even so, I still hate doing things without her.”

“Of course you do. You were her best friend, after all.”

Cathy shakes her head. “I don’t want to leave her behind.”

“You won’t,” I tell her. “Not if you say goodbye.”

Cathy gives me a confused look. I squeeze her hand.

“You never got to say goodbye, did you?”

Chapter 13

Cathy

I trace the letters on top of the marble tombstone, cold against my touch. I can tell it used to be ivory, but it’s now greyish brown from dirt and age. Moss grows in the cracks along the sides.

Trisha Holloway. 1992-2008.

I wasn’t able to attend her funeral because I was still in the hospital. When I got out, I didn’t have the heart to visit her grave. And then we moved and I never returned.

Until now.

I place the bouquet of white lilies in my hand on top of Trisha’s grave.

“I’m sorry, Trish,” I say. “I should have come here sooner.”

“Who’s Trish?” Maisie asks behind me.

“Like I said earlier, Trish or Trisha is your aunt,” Jackson explains to her as he places his arm around her shoulder.

“She was my best friend,” I add as I get up on my feet. I brush the dirt off my knees. “Remember the friend I told you about?”

“The one you tried lipstick with?” Maisie asks.

I smile. “That’s right.”

“Lipstick?” Jackson’s eyebrows crease. “I didn’t know about that. But I do know that Trisha and Cathy got into a lot of trouble together.”

“Trouble?” I snort. “You must be thinking of someone else. Trisha and I were well behaved.”

Jackson ignores me and turns to Maisie. “Do you know that one time they went into my room without permission and stole my science experiment?”

“We borrowed it,” I correct him. I remember returning it afterwards.

“And more than once, they ate my ice cream,” Jackson adds.

“Not my idea,” I say in my defense.

“Hear that, Trisha?” Jackson talks in a louder voice. “Cathy says it was all you.”

I frown.

“What’s that?” He holds his hand against his ear as if listening to someone, then he turns to me with a grin. “She says it’s okay. She knows it was always her who had the crazy ideas, but she’s grateful you went along just the same. That’s why you were her best friend.”

My eyes grow wide. I know there’s no way Trisha just spoke to Jackson. I mean, she’s gone. And yet, I can’t help but think those words really sound like her.