I hesitate. This is it. A way to reverse what happened yesterday. A way to walk back all the drama and upset, so I can go back to my normal, easy life. The life I was living perfectly happily before Russ came along.
But was I really happy? Or was I just biding time, treading water at the hospital, while missing out on chasing my own dreams?
I exchange another long, pointed look with Russ, at this point. He shrugs one shoulder and nods, as if to say, Up to you. And for once, I realize, it is. My future and my destiny are in my own hands.
In fact, they always have been. I just needed to realize it myself. And thanks to Russ believing in me and helping me stand up to my father, I know it now.
“Actually…” I say slowly. My father blinks. But I force myself to meet his gaze and hold it. If I’m going to do this right now, the least I can do is look him in the eye. “I appreciate the offer to come back and work with you again, Dad. I really do. And maybe Russ will want to, I’m not sure. But… this hospital was never the right place for me. It’s time for me to finally follow my heart, Dad. Which means that I can’t let anything hold me back. Not your expectations, or the safe career path I should follow. I have to do what feels right.”
“And what is that, exactly?” he asks, arms crossed, a look of stern disapproval on his face.
But he didn’t say no, I remind myself. And even if he does, I know how to counteract it now. I know how to stand up to him, the way Mom does. The way she’s always been able to.
“I plan to join Doctors Without Borders,” I say. “I’m going to help people. The way I’ve wanted to do ever since I started school.”
Beside me, Russ weaves his fingers through mine, in a show of silent support. And right then and there, I know, without ever needing an answer back… this is happening.
I’m going to follow my dreams now.
14
Wind whips at my hair, tugging long strands of it across my face. I reach up to gather it into a ponytail once more, then I turn my face toward the sun and breathe a deep, satisfied sigh. The beach is gorgeous at this time of day, nearly deserted. White sand as far as the eye can see in both directions. And the water is a clear, crystalline blue, lapping up at the shore.
I kick off my shoes and wade through the sand, savoring the way it feels between my toes. When I reach the water’s edge, I dip a toe in, and suppress a shiver at how cold it feels.
Well. We all have to make compromises. You can jet off to save the world, but it won’t always be at the warmest, most bathwater tub-like beach. Guess Russ and I will have to wait until our next assignment for that.
Speaking of, I hear a call behind me, and I turn, raising a hand to shade my eyes from the sun. Russ waves as he jogs down onto the sand behind me. He’s freshly showered, which is unusual. We only get two showers a week where we’ve been stationed. And behind him, now that I’m facing away from the water and the sandy beach, and back across the island itself, there is wreckage visible everywhere. Downed power lines snarl and tangle in treetops, debris and pieces of broken houses and shanty town dwellings scatter the dunes that separate the beach front from the even more broken and pitted parts of the road on this side of the island.
But I can’t help the smile that breaks out across my face, seeing him. Russ is dressed, as usual, in his work scrubs. Same as me. Our shifts are about to begin. But he knew where to find me, naturally. As many mornings as I can, anytime that I’m up and ready for long enough before work starts, I try to make it down to the beach. I love to wake up like this, facing the wild ocean.
It reminds me to ground myself in the here and now. It reminds me that as hard as this job can be some days, it’s worth it. There’s a reason I’m here, in this particular part of the earth, which has gone through so much recently.
“There’s my little beach lover.” Russ reaches my side and wraps his arms around my waist. I tilt my head back, and his mouth finds mine, his kiss slow and searing. When we break apart again, he’s smiling, his eyes soft where they fix on mine. “I knew I’d find you here.”
I tuck into his side and let him steer me back toward the roads. As we walk, I find my shoes again and slip back into them. “You know me too well,” I say, suppressing a smile.