Faking It with the Frenemy

The skin around my neck heats, and not even the cold air blowing from the AC vent can cool me down. Now I wish we’d taken two cars. That way I wouldn’t have to listen to this. I sound like a loon. And I can’t even offer anything to redeem myself, because Vi isn’t saying anything I didn’t.

She continues, “And I had to tell—”

“So, Kim! How’s your new roommate?” But the second the question’s out there, I wince. I do not want to talk about that guy.

On the other hand, it’s less embarrassing to talk about the guy than to talk about how you tried to run him off with your banging.

“Seems fine so far. How did you know I got one?” Kim asks.

Is she kidding? Doesn’t she remember I saw her potential roommate yesterday?

“I told him,” Vi says. “She’s so pretty and funny. I saw her yesterday.”

Wait a minute. She?

I recall the man I ran into yesterday. He’s as tall as I am, broad-shouldered and looks like he works out. Definitely not “so pretty.”

Vi sighs longingly. “I want to have her body when I grow up.”

I shudder with horror. “You don’t need eighteen-inch arms.”

“What?” Kim says. Vi’s scowl in the rearview mirror shows confusion.

Am I the only sane person in this car? “I don’t know what magic you performed to make that man look so pretty, but—”

Kim starts laughing. “Oh my God.”

“What’s so funny?”

“You! You think Nate’s my roommate?”

“That’s that guy’s name?”

“She said her name was Yuna,” Vi says.

What? “Who’s Yuna?”

“My new roommate,” Kim says. “Nate didn’t work out, so I ended up with Yuna.” Her demeanor is prim, but her lips are twitching.

Vi sticks her head through the gap between Kim’s and my seats. Or at least tries to, as much as the seatbelt will let her. “I can’t believe you thought she was a man! She’s really pretty, Dad.”

Well, now I feel stupid. But how was I supposed to know it was a woman? Or that Kim had multiple roommate interviews set up last night? “I ran into a candidate, and it was a man.”

“Was he hot?” Vi asks.

“Vi!” I say, shocked. My kid’s too young to care about that kind of stuff!

“He’s nice. And very much taken,” Kim answers. “He’s in love with my former roommate.”

The knot in my belly dissipates. If the woman seated next to me weren’t Kim, I might’ve thought I was jealous or something. But of course I’m not. You don’t care about a woman who accuses you of giving her an STD and treats you like cholera. It’s one of the unwritten rules of dating.

“Aww.” Vi sighs.

“It’s very romantic,” Kim says. “And really, every woman should marry a man who not only loves her but treats her like a queen.”

“Yeah. But he has to be hot, too!” Vi says, making my teeth grind together. She needs to stop with this hot obsession!