"I have to, uh, go out, Nathan. I dont know when Ill be back. You can let yourself out. Ill, uh, see you. Ill call you. Yeah, Ill do that. "
She heard a harsh expletive and the crash of the medicine cabinet, but she was bolting for the front door like the scared rabbit she was.
When she spied Nathans keys on the bar, she had to laugh at her stupidity. She didnt have a car. Her rental was still at Serenas. And she was standing here like an idiot.
Making a split-second decision, she grabbed the keys and flew out the door. Seconds later, she threw herself into the drivers seat and jammed the keys into the ignition. She cranked it and fumbled with the gearshift then put it in reverse.
As she backed away, Nathan came running out of her apartment with just a towel around his waist. He looked pissed, even more so when he saw her in his truck.
"Julie, goddamn it!" he yelled.
She punched the accelerator and left the parking lot, her hands shaking. Okay, not smart. Really not smart. She was too humiliated to turn around and go back though. In for a penny, in for a pound.
Instinctively she went in the direction of Serenas house. It was Serena she needed to talk to right now. Serena had had doubts about Damon and their relationship. She would understand Julies conflict, and maybe between the two of them they could figure out what Julies problem was.
Faith was different. Shed known Gray was the man for her from the very beginning, and shed gone after him with single-minded determination.
Just like . . .
Julie groaned and tightened her hands around the steering wheel.
Just like shed known that Nathan was the one for her. And now that shed gotten what she wanted, she was doing her best to screw it up. Just like she did all her other relationships.
Stupid.
As she pulled up to Damons house, tears swam in her eyes, which only served to piss her off more.
Serena was waiting for her at the door when she pulled up and parked
in the circle drive. Had Nathan called her?
No words were exchanged when Julie trudged up to the entrance. Serena took one look at her and pulled her into a giant hug.
"Come in. You look terrible. "
"I feel terrible," Julie choked out.
"Aw, hon, it cant be that bad. "
Serena led her into the living room and coaxed her down onto the couch. Sam as well as the housekeeper hovered in the distance, anxious looks on their faces.
"Give us a while and see that were not disturbed," Serena said softly. "Ill call if we need anything. "
When they were alone, Serena took Julies hands and squeezed. "Okay, tell me what happened and why youre driving Nathans truck when hes not in it. "
Julie took a big gulp of air and spilled the entire story. From the absolutely awesome sex—not leaving any details out—to Nathans declaration of love and of Julie discovering that she just might love Nathan back. Hell, there was no maybe. It positively scared her how strongly she felt for this man.
"What are you afraid of, Julie?" Serena asked, sympathy ringing in her voice.
Julie gave her a watery smile. "Im not supposed to be afraid of anything, you know? Im a confident woman. I own my own business. But he . . . he makes me want things Ive never wanted. No, scratch that. He makes me hope for things Ive always wanted. "
"So whats the problem?"
"Remember when you struggled so much with your relationship with Damon? Coming to terms with it? You told me you were so afraid of not being what he needed, of disappointing him. "
Serenas eyes softened. "Yeah. Im still afraid. Ive just decided not to let my fears ruin the best thing thats ever happened to me. "
"I wish I could be like you," Julie said sadly. "Goddamn it, Serena. Im terrified. Terrified. "
"That hell leave you?" Serena asked gently.
Julie wavered for a moment, her breath coming out all shaky like she was a hair from crying. She hated that. Hated coming off like a weak-kneed, emotional twit.
"Im afraid . . . Im afraid hell wake up one morning and the very things that first attracted him to me will be the very things that turn him away. "
"Im not sure I understand. "
"Im a bitch, Serena. "
"No, youre not!"
"I am. Im blunt, forceful, headstrong and confident. People often say they admire me, or they appreciate people who say it straight, who keep it real. And for a while they do, until all the new and shiny wears off and suddenly they dont like me so much anymore. I become caustic and abrasive. The things they liked about me now turn them away. And men? Theyre the worst. A strong, confident woman is sexy to them, but then they become intimidated by me and they think Im wearing the pants in the relationship. "
"There is nothing wrong with you," Serena said fiercely. "Other than the fact that youve dated morons. The right man will love you, warts and all. Hell love your independence.
Contrary to popular belief, men really do love women who can think for themselves. They love women who can be an equal in the relationship. "
"Very well said, Serena mine," Damon murmured.
Both women looked up to see Damon standing across the living room, his eyes glowing with pride.
"Im sorry to interrupt," he said in Julies direction. "But not sorry I overheard. " He walked closer and sat down in the armchair next to the couch. "Serena is right, Julie. A woman who needs protecting, the helpless female persona, can be . . . enticing. But beyond that first brush, that first shine of the relationship, it dulls really fast. A needy woman may appeal to the male ego, but a strong, independent woman is a treasure for the long haul. "
Julie cocked her head. "But you . . . " She cleared her throat uncomfortably.
"You can say what you like in front of me," he said gently.
"You like submissive women. " She cast an apologetic look at Serena because she didnt want her friend to think she thought she was wimpy. "How can you say those things about a strong, independent woman when you crave submission?"
Damons eyes twinkled. "Serena is a strong, very independent woman in her own right. She chooses to submit to me. I have no desire for a doormat. For as long as Serena is mine, I will always take care of her. However, I need to know she can take care of herself. "
Julies eyes watered. "Do you know why I decided not to go back to The House?"
Both Serena and Damon gave her puzzled looks.
"I saw you that night. " Again she looked at Serena in apology. "You and Damon in the common room. "
Serenas mouth formed an O.
Damons expression was no less perplexed. "Im sorry if you were offended, Julie. "
"No," she said huskily. "I wont lie. When I first saw what you were doing, I wanted to run over and kick your ass and then put my arms around Serena. "
"Youre a very loyal friend," Damon said with a smile.
"You changed something in me that night. I decided I wanted a man who looked at me the way you looked at Serena. "
"Ah, Julie," Serena murmured as she stroked a hand through Julies hair.
"Nathan looked at me like that," she choked out. "He said he loved me. "
"And you dont believe him?" Damon asked.