Stealing the Bride

This, I can help him with. “Fire her and get a new one who is willing to bid on you.”

“Can’t.” He sighs, deflating a bit. “She’s good at her job.”

Our food arrives, interrupting his morose self-pity. When our server’s gone, Nate says, “You know, I lent you my jet. This is the least you can do. All you have to do is give your candy girl the ticket to the event and tell her to bid on me. I don’t care how high it goes; I’ll cover everything. Anything to escape the psycho.”

I take a bite of my paella. It’s done to perfection. Then a solution occurs to me. “Dude! Just eat some bad shellfish and make yourself sick the day of the auction. Problem solved.”

“Are you fucking crazy, too? I want to avoid an ex-girlfriend, not die.”

Melodrama, thy name is Nate. “Fine. I’ll ask, but don’t expect Skittles to say yes. She loves me too much to betray me by bidding on you.” Truth is, I don’t want her bidding on him. Not even to bail him out because…well, damn it, she’s mine.

“I’m sure everyone’s going to know the score when you guys get married. Poor Nate, dumped like last week’s garbage…”

The rest of his sarcastic retort fades behind a loud roaring in my head. Married? Skittles and me?

Normally when people mention marriage—and with me in the equation—my immediate reaction is to recoil. Then run, while my skin breaks out in hives. But…Skittles?

She’d look amazing in a wedding gown. More beautiful than Curie, really, even though they’re twins, because Skittles just glows. I wonder what kind of flowers should go into her bouquet. Something gorgeous, bright and cheery, just like her.

At some point, when we’re both ready, we can have babies. Maybe two, unless she only wants one. One’s good, too. Actually, any number’s fine with me. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a chubby toddler who looks just like Skittles waddle toward me while saying, “Dada,” with a baby smile?

Most definitely. And I’ll get her an Aston Martin. A stroller, that is, since there won’t be any driving for her until she’s at least sixteen. And hire a bodyguard who looks scarier than Tolyan to keep the boys away…

“Hey, man. Court. Harcourt Blackwood! Did you hear anything I said?” Nate’s voice shatters my pleasant fantasy.

“What?”

“I said, I need to know by tonight.”

Impatient, aren’t we? I haven’t even proposed to Skittles. “Keep this up and you won’t be my best man.”

He squints at me. “Best man? I don’t care about that. I’m talking about the bidding at the auction!”

Oh. Right. “I can ask, but listen, don’t get your hopes up.”

And later that evening, I tell Skittles very casually about Nate’s ridiculous proposal during dinner. I also omit the part about the crazy ex, because Skittles doesn’t need that kind of pressure.

Okay, the real reason is that I don’t want her saying yes. If she’s going to be bidding at the auction, it should be on me—not that she’ll be able to, since I’m not going to be standing on the block like some side of beef.

But if not Skittles, then who…? Somebody from Craigslist? Probably not. Nate said he didn’t want people getting any ideas.

I snap my fingers as the perfect solution occurs. Tony’s assistant! So what if Wei’s male—and heterosexual? Tony often says that Wei’s greatest strength is his flexibility. He can do it, and he has zero desire to go anywhere with Nate, not even if it would mean getting his hands on the Sterling fortune.

“Sure, I’ll do it,” Skittles says.

“Okay, I’ll tell Nate you can’t…” My head snaps up. “What?”

“He’s your friend, and he needs help. I’m willing.”

“He doesn’t need it that bad.”

“Obviously he does if he asked you to ask me. Besides, I’ve never been to a bachelor auction before. It’ll be fun.”

“Fun?” When did “fun” change to include getting your heart punched repeatedly? She’s supposed to say, “No way am I bidding on Nate, Court. You’re the only man for me, even in pretend-world, no matter what.”

“You can come along if you want.” She giggles. “Besides, it isn’t like I’m bidding my own money. I’ll be bidding his money on him. Talk about incestuous.” Then she rubs the spot between my eyebrows. “Stop frowning. I’m attracted to Nate like…I’m attracted to a catfish.”

“A catfish?”