Mister Fake Fiance

Tonight’s event is for struggling single parents and underprivileged children, a cause both Charlotte and I care deeply about. We make it a point to donate and attend functions to raise money and create as much awareness as possible.

Charlotte lives in a gated community. She told me she downsized to reduce her carbon footprint. I don’t know if a six-bedroom house with its own pool, hot tub and home theater would really be considered a small carbon footprint, but it has solar panels, which must count for something.

An unfamiliar sports car sits in her driveway. She must’ve gotten a new one. She loves fast wheels, the fancier the better.

I park behind her new vehicle, get out and walk toward the door, then hit the button hidden on the lion’s-head knocker. That’s how she knows it’s a friend visiting, rather than some stranger she doesn’t feel like rushing out for.

The door opens, and I can feel my jaw slacken. Charlotte stands there, her hair pixie style and colored a particularly blinding shade of pink that I didn’t know could be found in a dye bottle. But that’s not all. She’s not dressed for a high-society function. No, she’s in a thin silk robe that matches her hair. From the way her nipples are sticking out, I’m certain she’s not wearing a bra…probably not panties, either. Her face is makeup-free, but it’s glowing. Not the way pregnant women glow, but the way post-orgasmic women glow, her cheeks rosy, her eyes hooded and glittering.

“Were you masturbating?” I ask with a laugh. It’d be just like her to pencil in an orgasm before an event like the one we’re about to attend. Hopefully she also penciled in “hurry up and get ready” after it.

She giggles breathlessly. “No. You know I don’t do that unless I absolutely have to.”

That’s true enough, and Charlotte is rarely without a sex partner.

“You do realize we have a charity auction to attend.” I make a big deal out of glancing at my watch. How much time is she going to need to get rid of her sex buddy and get ready? She probably doesn’t need a lot of makeup because she’s glowing already, but a dress? Can she pick one and slither into it in under five minutes?

“Oh.” She places her red-tipped fingertips on a corner of her mouth. “Is that today?”

“Yes. Didn’t my assistant send you a reminder yesterday?” As much as I love Charlotte, she can be absent-minded. I make it my job to remind her because that’s easier than trying to change her. Well, I make it Erin’s job. And she’s never failed before.

“Probably. But I forgot.” Charlotte tugs at my hand. “Come on in. I have something I need to say.”

I follow her in, and she flutters her fingers at her pale cream and yellow couch, indicating I should sit. The gesture is practiced, like everything she does.

I plant my butt on the sofa and wait for her to tell me whatever she needs to unload. She won’t get ready unless she does. As long as we can make the auction portion of the event, I’m okay.

She perches delicately on the armrest of another couch. “I’m not interested in men anymore. Just not feeling the attraction vibe, you know?”

“Since when?” And why does she think I have to know this now? It isn’t like we’re planning to have sex anytime soon. And she knows I won’t judge her for getting with whoever can give her the best orgasm.

“Since half an hour ago. I’ve decided to finally admit I’m in love, rather than be in denial about it, which was hard. I mean, me, right? In love?” She puts a hand to her chest and makes a sound that’s halfway between scoff and laugh.

I’m not sure what she expects me to say. “Uh… Congratulations?” Maybe now she’ll start getting dressed.

She beams. “I knew you’d understand. Anyway, since I’m going to be, you know, true to myself from now on…”

True to herself?

“…I really can’t go with you tonight. It would be weird, don’t you think?”

Shit. I sigh, torn between affection for her and annoyance at my situation. “You couldn’t have fallen in love yesterday?” I might’ve found somebody to go with if I had some time. But now…?

She plays with her thumbs in a small pretense at contrition. “Sorry. I didn’t know yesterday.”

Despite being a little annoyed, I decide to give her a pass. She’s been a hardcore fuck-’em-and-chuck-’em bachelorette for years. This has to be a big deal for her. And although I’m fond of her, I was never in love with her.

“Hey, I’m happy for you.” I smile to let her know I’m not upset and tilt my gaze toward the second floor. “Do I get to meet the other team?”

Charlotte laughs, the sound like a tinkling bell. “She’s a little shy. Besides, she’s in the Jacuzzi. I was about to join her when you showed up.” She pads over to the kitchen counter and rummages through her purse. “Here. My ticket. You can have it. Take somebody you want to be in love with.”

I take the ticket, even while knowing I’m not going to do that. I used to have somebody I cared about, until she backstabbed me. And I haven’t been looking for anyone to replace her. I’ll never make myself that vulnerable to anybody ever again.

Still, I smile and say, “Thanks, but it’s a little too late to find a date.”

She wags a finger. “But never too late to find true love. Anyway, hope you have fun tonight. And we should have lunch sometime next week, or…”

“Just text me a date and time.”