"Did he talk to you about some of his . . . girlfriends?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"And Peter asked my advice on a few things. He wanted to know that he wasn't a freak for enjoying what he enjoyed."
"What did you tell him?" Edward asked.
"That he's not a freak. He just has to make sure that it's all safe, sane, and consensual. He and I have talked a lot about consent."
"I tried to talk to him about sex," Edward said.
"I know, but he couldn't talk to you about some of it. You're his dad, and you're more vanilla than he is."
Somehow vanilla was not a word I would have used for Edward, ever, but then he and I didn't discuss his sex life. I just gave him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't pure vanilla.
"I don't understand some of the things that Peter . . . wants."
"He knows that, and he knows you tried to understand, but his kinks are not your kinks, and you sent him to a therapist who treated his interest in bondage and submission as a part of his brokenness."
"His therapist feels that Peter is acting out about his own abuse and anger from it in the bondage and rough sex."
"Some, but whether it's from the abuse or was inside him waiting to be part of his sexuality doesn't really matter."
"Of course it matters."
"No, Edward, it really doesn't. What matters is that Peter doesn't feel like a freak or a monster but understands that his sexuality is okay. I stressed that he has to negotiate any scene play, so that his partner knows exactly what's going to happen and agrees to it all. I also told him that just because he fantasizes about something doesn't mean he'll enjoy it in reality, and that some fantasies must always remain as just that, fantasies."
"Has he told you his fantasies?"
"Some."
"I won't ask you to tell me."
"Good, because I wouldn't betray his trust like that."
"Can I ask you something, with you promising not to tell Peter?"
"Depending on what it is. I can't promise blindly."
"I guess that's fair. I told Anita that I was worried Peter was going to be an abuser, because of what happened to him."
"He could be, but he doesn't want to be, and sometimes when things like this happen to you, just deciding not to become the monster is enough to avoid it."
"He's a predator like I'm a predator, and that's not just from what happened to him at fourteen," Edward said.
"No, it's not," Nathaniel said.
"I told Anita that I was afraid Peter would take it that extra step and be more of a predator than I am; do you understand?"
"You're worried that the fact that he likes it rough, even violent, in the bedroom means he's going to turn into a serial killer."
"I told you I didn't think that was true of Peter, when you asked me, Edward," I said.
"But he hasn't talked in detail to you like he has to Nathaniel."
"You don't just become a serial killer, Edward," Nathaniel said, "not without long-term and systematic abuse, which is not what happened to Peter."
"You can be born one," Edward said.
"Edward," I said, "Nathaniel's right. You don't just become a serial killer without more damage than Peter has had in his life."
Nathaniel said, "Was Peter a bed-wetter when he was younger?"
"No."
"Does he have a history of starting fires?"
"No."
"Torturing animals?"
"No," and that last no sounded more relaxed than the first two.
"Peter is missing the serial killer trifecta, so he's not a born serial anything. He saw a werewolf kill his father in front of him when he was eight, and he picked up the gun his father dropped and killed the beast, saving his mother and baby sister. That's traumatic, but it was also brave and heroic. Maybe it made him more prone to violence in other parts of his life, or maybe the violence was always in there; maybe that's what helped him be able to pick the gun up and use it to kill the monster that killed his father. Being good at violence isn't always a negative. You should know that better than most people."
"You're right. I should, but it's always different when it's your kid."
"I hope to find out how different someday," Nathaniel said, then turned to give me a look that was far too serious.
"Don't look at me. I'm not planning on breeding, thanks."
"Kids are great, Anita," Edward said.
"Don't you start."
"I can't imagine you pregnant and doing our job, but I can't imagine you never wanting kids either."
"I really thought you'd be on my side on this one, Edward."
"I'm not on anyone's side. I just want my best friend happy, whatever that means for her."
Nathaniel smiled at me.
I pointed a finger at him. "We are not having this talk again. Especially not while we're planning the big wedding to Jean-Claude and an only slightly smaller ceremony with you and Micah."
"I'm helping plan both of those, plus helping Donna with her and Edward's wedding, but I'm not complaining."
"Bully for you, but I mean it, Nathaniel. The baby talk is shelved until we've survived all the nuptial bliss."
"Fine. Babies are shelved until after all three of the weddings are over."
"That is not what I said."
"It sort of is," Edward said.
"Damn it, you are on his side."
"I'm not. I mean, if you got pregnant, who would come play cops and robbers with me?"
I rolled my eyes, which made Nathaniel smile, but it was lost on Edward. "Yeah, you'd lose me as a playmate."
"You and I play the best games together."
"No," Nathaniel said. "Anita and I play the best games together."
"And we're done," I said. "The two of you are not comparing notes on anything like that."
"Would we do that, Anita?" Edward said, his voice teasing.
"I'm not finding out, because this conversation is over."
Edward laughed, Nathaniel joined in, and after a minute of trying to pout at them both, I gave up and joined them. When the laughter stopped, Edward asked again for Damian to come to Ireland and help find the vampires that were plaguing Dublin. Nathaniel asked more questions then, because he'd want to give as much information as possible to the vampire when he finally woke for the day.
"He's your vampire servant. Just order him to come with you to Ireland," Edward said.
"You know I won't do that, Edward."
"You complicate your life, Anita."
"If I didn't complicate my life none of the men I love would be in it, and that includes Nathaniel."
Edward couldn't argue with that, so he didn't try. "If we have a vampire who knows the city, it could make all the difference, Anita."
"I know, Edward."
Nathaniel said, "What haven't you told us?"
"Anita has more details about the actual murders."
"What about your mysterious friend Brian, and where you met?"
"No."
"What about the person behind the new project who isn't Van Cleef, but is like Van Cleef? Who is he? How dangerous is he to Anita?"
"If I thought he was dangerous to her, I wouldn't ask her to come."
Nathaniel tried a few more questions. I knew better. Once Edward had decided the amount of information he would share, then he was done.
We left it like that, because being besties with Edward meant I had to be all right with the fact that I might never know everything about his past. I could live with that, and so could Edward. I suspected that he had some secrets that if he shared them with me, we might not be able to live with them, because someone would find us and make sure we didn't. Maybe it would just be jail time in a government facility, but I was betting that the mysterious Van Cleef was more a final-solution type of guy, and nothing says final like being dead.