Yes. “Distracting.”
“Uh-huh. Sounds terrible.”
“Like a little sparkly dollop of evil,” Amy says.
“She’s everything that’s wrong with humanity.”
“Right. Because humanity needs more grumpiness. Good thing you’re around to balance things out,” Emmett says.
I grit my teeth. “What I have is discipline, not grumpiness.”
“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to. Anyway, the next time you see this pink ray of sunshine, tell her we said thanks for the presents.”
“Yes!” Amy says brightly.
“I’m not having this discussion.” I hang up.
I breathe out hard and tell myself I’m not upset about the ridiculous call or how happy Emmett and Amy sounded. I—am—fine. I just don’t like to be reminded of Sierra.
We have babies together.
Fine. I’ll set up a trust fund for the triplets. Be involved as much as they like, since I don’t know if they’ll want to be around a father who has humiliating baggage, a.k.a. their inane grandparents, even if they ideally will never find out that the triplets are mine. And—
My phone rings again. Emmett, undoubtedly. He hates not having the final word. This is what I have to put up with for having overeducated brothers with overinflated egos.
“I told you I am not having this discussion,” I say.
“Which discussion would that be, dear?” comes Mom’s springy voice.
“Mother.” Great. Another person I don’t want to talk to. What drama does she need me to comfort her about now?
“You’re welcome.”
“Am I? For what?”
“I simply don’t understand what it takes to get some credit for the good I’ve done.”
“Try writing a check to charity.” Do you want a gold medal?
“Hmm… Well, I suppose saving you and Sierra from the media vultures could qualify as charity work.”
I put a hand to my head. “What are you talking about?”
“Did you think they just gave up on you out of the goodness of their tiny, shriveled hearts?”
“I thought Dad was keeping them distracted, bragging about his ‘inspirational penis.’”
“Your father couldn’t care less about you getting harassed by the paparazzi. But you’re right about the inspirational dick part. It’s incredibly irritating. He was maybe a five in bed. A six if I was drunk. I wish I’d know better back then because I would’ve never slept with him if I’d had any idea it could’ve been so much hotter.”
God have mercy.“Mother, I do not want to know about—”
“In case you didn’t notice, Adriana Mitchell and Don Kasher had a scandal break right after yours.”
“Mitchell and Kasher had a scandal? Over what? They’re the most wholesome couple in Hollywood.”
She laughs. “Oh, my dear, sweet boy. There are at least a dozen private videos floating around showing them snorting coke. In half of them, Adriana is at least topless, and three of those were at orgies.” She sighs, satisfied. “Not that they’re all that shocking. I mean, this is Hollywood.”
“But…Adriana Mitchell and Don Kasher?” They’re the couple everyone admired for their charitable work and clean image.