Forever Mine

STEPH

Jerry corners my desk with urgency. “Steph, I have a client coming in half an hour, but I have to go out. Can you see him?”

“Yes, of course. What is he after?”

He waves a hand in the air. “New logo, website, the works. He does spiritual healing or some reiki nonsense. I’ll let you get the details. Must dash.” He taps a portfolio in his hand and exits the office.

He walks out the building with his briefcase in one hand and umbrella in the other. The weather has been awful lately. I finish the menu I’m working on and wait for my client to turn up.

Sarah shows a middle-aged man through to the office and brings him over to my desk. His bright patterned trousers catch my eyes first, covered by a cream kaftan. I stand and shake his hand, then pull up a seat for him. “What can we do for you?”

“I need a logo, graphics for my vehicle, a website and leaflets.”

“Wow, the full works, then?” Jerry wasn’t kidding. I grab a notepad and pen. “Tell me all about your business and any ideas you have.”

“Reiki is a form of complementary therapy that works with the energy fields around the body and involves the transfer of universal energy from my palms to the client.”

“And what does it do? Like, what are the benefits?”

“Lots of health benefits, including harmony and balance, as well as relaxes and releases tension from the body, helping you sleep better.”

I can get all that from sex, and I don’t have to pay for it.

“Balances the mind, body, and spirit.”

Oh, he’s still going. I nod along, listening and making notes.

“Clears the mind and improves focus. Cleanses the body of toxins and supports the immune system and can accelerate the body’s self-healing ability.”

Can it stop you from wanting something you can’t have?That’s hypnotherapy.“It sounds fantastic. I’ll have to try it someday.” I humour him, knowing there’s only one thing in the world that can help me, and he’s the one thing I can’t have.

“Your voice sounds hoarse. Are you not well?”

“I’m run down, that’s all.” I have been ever since…ever since I started working here. “Just a scratchy, sore throat. I don’t sleep well, but I’m okay.”

“I can help you with that.” He claps his hands together and rubs them in fast motions.

“Oh, do you have some throat soothers or something?”

“I can heal it by re-aligning your chakra.”

“My what?” Before I can say anything else, he’s standing in front of me, waving his hands in my face, then wafts at the side of my head. I glance at Kelly, widening my eyes as if to say, ‘help.’

She shrugs her shoulders, curling her lip in the corner.

His hands move in quick motions in front of my forehead. “I’m just cleansing your crown.”

“Okay.” I close my eyes so I can’t see Kelly smiling, as I’ll burst into a fit of giggles.

His hands move in front of my throat. “I’m just moving down to your third eye.”

“My third eye?” I didn’t know I had one.

His hands move in rotation in front of my neck as if he’s doing the Agadoo dance. He’s currently pushing the pineapple before shaking the tree. Heat rises from my throat, spreading to my cheeks. Is it actually working?No, that’s just the embarrassment colouring your face.

With my eyes closed, I let him do his thing, but he’s not cleansing my mind. I’m still thinking about Callum. However, things are becoming clear. It suddenly dawns on me. I’m making myself ill. I need to take control of my life. Youth is no longer on my side, and I want to make the most of what life I have left. I love my kids, but I need to love myself too. Why can’t I be happy? Surely a happy mum is better for them.

I don’t know how much longer I can live like this.You’re not living.I thought if I saw Cal again, I could get some closure, but I can never escape that boy, or man. My man. Every part of me wants to be near him, to see his eyes crease in the corners as he smiles at me, to feel the hairs prick up on the back of my neck when he touches me.