Forever Mine

My feet move in the water, and it’s like trying to jog on a trampoline. Everything is jiggling all over the place, and my breasts threaten to say hello at any moment.Extroverts. I tuck them in further, but they ride up again, bouncing on the surface like a pair of floats.

“Okay, make a circle, guys. You know what to do.”

Everyone forms a circle, and I smile at an elderly lady who, to be fair, is twice my age, but probably in better shape.

“Now run in the circle.”

Claire and the other women have clearly done this before—regulars. I follow their lead, although it’s more like a jog in slow motion. We all get a momentum going and the current works in our favour, pushing us along. My heart races, and I can feel the burn in my thighs.

‘Join aqua-aerobics,’ the midwife said. ‘It’ll be good for you and the baby,’ she said.

“And change.” The instructor changes directions and runs on the spot.

“What?” Everyone turns around and starts running in the opposite direction. I’m forced to comply with the group, but it's like wading through treacle. The current works against us, making it hard to put one foot in front of the other. I wipe my brow, wetting my hair in the process, dammit.

The next song plays. ’Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)’.No kidding.

The more we walk, the easier it gets. Several revolutions later, we’re able to break into a jog again.

“Change.”

Not again. I really am out of breath now. We just get a momentum going, then she wants us to change direction. I knew the midwife hated me. The way she took my blood, bruising my arm, was sinister enough. Then she recommended a pissin’ aqua-aerobics class.

The instructor smiles like she's secretly laughing at us, all following her twisted commands. The sicko. Probably best mates with the sinister midwife.

My chest heaves. Gosh, I'm dying. I need water.You’re in a swimming pool.I can't exactly drink this, can I?Well, you drink everything else.Oh, shut up. I'm not in the mood for you.Haven't your endorphins kicked in yet?Funny.

“Okay, guys. The warm-up’s over.”

Warm-up? I gasp. That was just the warm-up? Oh no. My stomach tightens at what else she has in store, and my heart thumps against my ribs as if to say, ‘let me out’.

“Grab a couple of floats from the side of the pool.”

I glance down at my out-of-control breasts. I don’t think I need any more floats.

Claire bobs along to the side to get the foam woggles. “So, have you got in touch with him?”

“No. I even tried his friend Dean, who said he just gets a blank dial tone, but I left a letter with his mother. At least he’ll know what’s going on, even if he stays in Australia.” I hold the float out in front of me, although I don’t need it. I’m already floating. “Though I thought he might have contacted me by now. After all the conversations we had and how he was with his girls, I never thought he would just stay away. I mean, I never expected him to drop everything and come running, but I expected him to acknowledge he was having another child.”

“Didn’t he do this before? Do you think he’s regressed to when he was a teenager?”

I stop moving, thinking back. He never wanted a child with me then. Maybe it’s the same now. My limbs ache and not from the warmup. Every part of my body hurts, like being rejected all over again. Only this time he hasn’t just rejected me, but our child as well.