Forever Mine

STEPH

Ihaven’t stopped sweating since I crawled out of bed this morning, knowing I’m meeting Cal. Although, I’ll be glad when all this is over. I haven’t slept since the wedding, and I’m just walking round like an extra from the Walking Dead.

When I have managed to get some shut-eye, I wake with hot flushes, and I itch all over. I wondered if it was the change, but I know it’s Cal.

My hand trembles against the steering wheel. The closer I get to the cafe where I’m meeting Cal, the more my hand vibrates and the less oxygen there is in the car. The hot weather mixed with my anxiety has my fringe sticking to my forehead and my clothes sticking to my skin.

Maybe this shirt and leggings wasn’t the best choice, but nothing else fits. I can’t seem to shift this post pregnancy weight. It’s my own fault. Justin said I wasn’t just eating for two, I was eating for three. I told him to piss off. It was none of his business how much I ate, seeing as we weren’t together, but now I’m paying the price.

“Are we nearly there yet?” Cairen asks.

“Nearly.”

Caleb cries again.

“Cassie, just give him his dummy, please.” She takes care of Caleb like a mother hen. He’s been mardy all morning like he can sense my anxiety.

“Mum, can we have ice-cream when we get there?” Cassie asks.

“Of course.” I think I need one as well to cool down.

I keep thinking, could I have done more? Hurting him wasn’t my intention. Though I’ve actually been hurting since the day he left. I can understand why he’s upset, but I’m also upset.

As I pull into the cafe car park, Callum is already here with his girls. They’re waiting next to the car. I park next to them and wipe my brow, glancing in the rear-view mirror to check my hair and makeup is intact. My clothes may be drab and tight, but at least I can make sure my hair and makeup are on point.

Stepping out of the car, I take in a deep breath. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He bends over, peering through my car window, smiling at Caleb. “I thought we could go for a walk. There’s a play area in the middle on the woodland trail.”

“All right. The kids want ice-cream first.”

I open the boot and Callum steps in front of me, pulling the pushchair out. He fumbles with the clip, unsure how to open the contraption.

“Fuck, how do you do this?” He chuckles, and it’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh in a long time.

“Pull the clip and press the lever together.”

“You’d think someone would invent an easier way to operate these things by now.”

“Let me do it.” My hand brushes his as I unclip the pushchair, unfolding it and clicking it into place with my foot. “You’re obviously out of touch.”

“Whose fault’s that?”

The jibe stabs me in the chest.

“I’m sorry.”

I get Caleb from the car seat and settle him in the pushchair, clipping his dummy to his jacket.

Cal squats down in front of him, takes the straps and straps him in. “Ay-up, mate. What you got there?”

Caleb waves a green dinosaur in his face and spits the dummy out, giving him a huge smile.

Cal takes the dinosaur and taps Caleb on the nose with it, making a gentle roar.

Caleb giggles and dribbles down his chin. It’s the first time he’s actually smiled today. I can’t help but smile along at the two of them. Cassie and Cairen have run towards the cafe to look at the ice cream board while I grab the changing bag from the back seat and hook it over the handlebars of the buggy.

“Shall we get an ice cream, then?” Callum says in a baby voice, giving Caleb his teddy back. He takes over pushing the pushchair. It suits him.