Forever Mine

I take out my phone and give Sally her number.

“Thanks. We always sit together in this group. She befriended me when I walked in. I was really nervous, being a new mum and all. She’s a lovely woman.”

“Yes, she is. She’s the best.”

“I’m glad she has you. I could tell she was struggling recently.”

She was probably struggling because of me. I sip my drink and glance over at Caleb sucking on a ball. I shake my head. The things that kid puts in his mouth. Steph would take it off him now, saying dirty, but he’s already sucked it now. Knock yourself out, kid. I’ve had dirtier things in my mouth, and I’m still alive.

After finishing my coffee, it’s lunchtime. I don’t want to keep her waiting. She’ll be due her meds now, and she needs to have them with food. “Sally, do you know where the dirty books are in this place?” I clear my throat. “For Steph.”

Sally smiles. “She always disappears over in that corner.” She points to a little nook behind the Humorous section.

“Thanks. Nice to meet you.”

“And you. Tell Steph I said hi.”

I hold my hands out to Caleb. “Shall we choose some books?” I scoop him up and pry the ball from his fingers, then bounce him in my arms to distract him before he realises his new favourite suck toy has gone.

He wipes his wet chin on my t-shirt as I carry him to the dark corner of the erotic section. Two books stand out on top with shirtless dudes. She’s not having them. If she’s gonna be looking at anyone shirtless, it’s me.

I opt for one with roses on the cover and another with a full-figured woman. She’ll like that. She’s always banging on about how larger women don’t get enough representation.

“All right mate, we got mummy’s books. Shall we choose some for you, ay?”

He blows bubbles out of his mouth as he makes a noise and more drool drips down his chin before he wipes it on my top. In the children’s section, Caleb’s hands wave when he spots a multicoloured elephant. I grab a dinosaur book and ‘The Tiger That Came to Tea.’

Once home, Steph is asleep on the sofa. I close the door to the living room gently so I don’t wake her and settle Caleb in his highchair for his lunch and make Steph a sandwich for when she wakes.

Jerry has given me some freelance work to cover Steph’s absence and give me a bit of extra cash while I’m over here, but I can catch up on that later when Caleb goes down for a nap.

“Cal,” Steph calls from the living room.

“I’m here. One sec.” I scoop the last of the butternut squash blend out of the bowl, one more aeroplane, and then wipe his mouth. After unclipping him from the highchair, I carry him into the lounge with his sippy cup and place him on the rug with his toys.

“How long have you been back?” She smiles at Caleb as she holds her side. I can tell she’s in more pain than she’s letting on.

“A while. Are you hungry? I’ll get your sandwich and your pills.” It pains me to see her like this. Each time she screws her beautiful face in discomfort, guilt roils in my stomach and I want to do everything I can to take care of her.