Forever Mine

“Callum. Are you still there, love?” I’d forgot I was still holding his mother in the palm of my hand.

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon.” He chuckles, trying to put some distance between us, and the angry pipping driver behind who’s been up his arse since we left the lights.

I cancel the call and relax back in my seat, but excitement bubbles through my veins at the way he looked at me. He needs my forgiveness, but I need his too. Can he? Is it possible that he could forgive me?

Cal parks at the cemetery. I hold on to the balloons while he unfolds the pushchair. He gently lifts Caleb’s sleeping body from the car seat and lays him flat in the buggy, making sure he clips him in securely.

I cover him with the hood to keep off the fresh autumn breeze. Cal hangs the bag with the teddy hidden inside over the handlebars and pushes Caleb down the path, through the mass of headstones in all various shapes and sizes, until we reach the bottom where a smaller section of grass is carved out of the landscaped gardens. Several smaller plots line the area, covered in teddies, balloons, toys and flowers.

Holding the helium balloons in my hand, I feel so small. My baby never lived beyond fourteen weeks. I never got to bury him or her or mourn the loss of my child.

“Hello, love.” Cal’s mum steps around a headstone onto the path and hugs Cal. Her hand rubs up and down his back. “How you doing? I know today is always difficult.”

“I’m fine, Mum. Really.” He reassures her with a smile.

She bends down, peeking under the hood of the pushchair, and lowers her voice. “Look at him, sleeping like an angel.” She turns to me. “It’s nice to see you’re better.”

“Thanks.” I give her a fake smile. I’m still angry that she never passed my letter on to Cal and all this confusion and situation we’re in may have been avoided.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it. I have a doctor’s appointment in thirty minutes.”

Cal stops his mum’s small, frail body. “Everything all right?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, love. Just about changing my tablets.”

Cal relaxes his face and gives her a peck on the cheek. “I’ll bring Caleb round to see you tomorrow.”

“That’ll be lovely. Steph, you’re welcome too if you feel up to it.” She smiles and walks along the path towards the car park.

Was that an olive branch? I guess seeing as I’m in a forgiving mood, I’ll take it. If Cal wants me there. He might not want me to go. He probably goes to his mum’s for a little respite from me.

Cal manoeuvres the pushchair onto the grass and, using his foot, he snaps the brake against the back wheel. His large hand engulfs mine, and he guides me a few spaces down to a grey headstone in the shape of a teddy with Jaxon engraved on the stone.

Fresh flowers cover the ground and a truck planter holds a small yellow rose bush. He lets go of my hand and pulls the teddy from the bag and places it in front of the stone underneath his name.

I drop the balloon weights next to it, in front of the truck planter, then take a step back and slide my arm around Cal’s broad back, under his jacket. “You never have to do this alone. I’ll always be here for you. And when Caleb’s able to understand, you can tell him he has an older brother watching over him.”

He kisses my forehead. “Thank you.”

His arm slides around my shoulder, and we stand like this for a while, facing the small grave. The sun shines down on us, warming my face in the autumn breeze as if the heavens are smiling at us.

My arm tightens around Cal’s waist, and my fist clings to the cotton fabric of his t-shirt. “I forgive you, for whatever it is you think you’ve done to me.”

He clears his throat and stands a little taller, still looking straight ahead. “I’ve done many things, Steph. Many things that I regret every day.”

“Let’s not dwell on the past. I forgive you for everything. Can you forgive me?” I choke up on the last word and hold my breath. My heart throbs in my throat, hoping he will say the words I so desperately need to hear.

He turns to face me. His hands move to hold my waist. “Forgive you for what? Giving me the best gift a woman can give?”

Tears threaten my eyes, but a smile spreads across my face. “Are we talking about my book?” I giggle and look away as his gaze intensifies, making my heart almost burst from my chest.

He chuckles, glancing over my shoulder at Caleb sleeping in the pushchair. “The book was a good gift, but you know what I’m talking about.”

I press my lips together as if in thought. “Hmm, it’s the watch, isn’t it?”

His fingers dig into the flesh around my waist. “Stop messing around. You know our son is the best gift you’ve ever given me.”

My smile widens. “I thought he was a gift from you. You said you were going to give me a leaving gift I’ll never forget.”