I walked inside the apartment and dropped my backpack on the sofa. Following a quick glance around the modern open-plan living space, I spotted one area I had to check out first.
The moment I pushed open the enormous glass sliding doors, the sound of waves greeted me, and when I stepped onto the balcony, my skin cooled from the mild brine-tinged breeze that blew straight off the Pacific Ocean. Tall palm trees, which stood evenly spaced alongside the quiet street, were the only things separating my lodging from the rugged coastline.
The car ride from the airport had been filled with a one-way conversation as my chatty driver provided a run-down on San Diego. He said La Jolla was one of the nicest and safest beach areas in the city. Now that I’d arrived, I believed him.
I closed my eyes on the expanse of blue before me and let the afternoon sun warm my skin. This would be my home for the coming weeks or months. And even though my heart was full of melancholy, I couldn’t deny the beauty of this place. The view from the balcony, both peaceful and revitalizing, was what I needed to recharge my depleted batteries.
My man did good.
Ugh, when would I stop thinking of Shep that way? I lifted my lids and steadied myself against the glass balustrade when I swayed on unsteady legs.
Like living on an active fault line, my life had been shaken many times this last week. The walls of my world had crumbled around me as Franky and his men tried to bring me down. With Shep’s help, I stayed strong and emerged from the rubble intact. But the thing that had shattered my foundations and brought me crashing to my knees was finding love with the unlikeliest of men, and then losing it.
I rubbed at the ache in my chest as my breath hitched. Tears pooled in my eyes. I’d somehow remained composed on the flight and during the car ride here, but now that I was on the other side of the country, far away from the man I loved and would never have, I fell apart. Perhaps that had to happen before I could piece myself back together.
I needed to start letting go of everything that had happened since the night Shep took me. How the hell did I begin rebuilding when I wasn’t sure if I could ever go home? Even though I was out of harm’s way, my life was still a mess. I had no family here, no friends, no job, not to mention my heart had been ripped from my chest and stomped on.
“Fuck!” I thumped my fist on the balustrade.
Fuck Franky, Lou, and Pauly for being murderous, wretched assholes. Fuck Justin for being a monumental screw-up. And fuck Shep for making me fall in love with him, but being too stubborn to love me back.
I didn’t care if the neighbors or beachgoers saw the crazy lady having a breakdown on her balcony. I needed this.
If Shep were here, he’d tell me I was trying to process it all at once when I should be taking it step by step. God, I missed him. I decided to take his advice and tackle each hour as it came.
Thinking about the things I was grateful for helped. My brother and I were both alive, and Justin had the medical support he needed. My heart was still heavy, but maybe one day it wouldn’t ache so much. Not anytime soon, though. I wiped my face and went inside to look around my new digs.
It was a narrow apartment, decorated in a nautical theme of white, gray, and cerulean blue. The inviting living space was furnished with a linen sofa and a huge TV mounted above a fireplace. Upstairs, the large master suite had a luxurious white marble bathroom complete with jacuzzi and an open shower with not one, but three shower heads. I’d never seen anything like it and wondered how much Shep had paid for this place. No doubt it was way out of my budget. I’d have to find somewhere more economical to stay when my booking ended.
I flopped onto the sofa and removed a half-drunk bottle of water from my backpack. Then I remembered the cell Shep had given me. As soon as I switched it on, it chimed with messages. My pulse raced when I realized they were from Shep.
The first one contained contact details for Kane Daniels, the guy tasked with keeping an eye on me. Whatever that entailed.
The second message said:
If you need anything, call Kane.
I was a big girl and able to look after myself, but it was nice to know there was someone in this city to help should I need it.
The next read:
Rent paid for a month. Will extend if required.
Kitchen stocked with supplies (check the freezer).
That piqued my interest, so I went to inspect. Sure enough, the pantry and fridge were filled with groceries. When I checked the freezer, I found tubs of ice cream in a bunch of flavors. I smiled, even though my chest tightened. There was only one thing to do at a time like this, so I grabbed my favorite flavor—peanut butter—and returned to the sofa. The only thing I’d ingested all day was coffee on the plane. I still wasn’t hungry, but since when did you need an appetite to eat ice cream?
I checked the last message. It explained how Shep had set up a bank account and provided details on how to access the funds. He told me to use the money for any expenses until I returned home. That was thoughtful of him. I wouldn’t get far with my dwindling savings. At the bank’s website, I followed the log in instructions and almost choked when I saw the balance.
I sat upright and swallowed the cold mouthful. “Sweet Jesus!”
He’d deposited one hundred thousand dollars into the account. I fell back onto the sofa and covered my open mouth with one hand.
Wait, I had his number! I typed a return message thanking him for everything and asking if he was all right.Text Message Failedbounced back right away. Disappointment echoed through me, but I wasn’t surprised. Either his cell was off, or he’d already ditched it and unboxed a new one. That man went through burners like nobody’s business. I tossed the cell on the sofa and shoveled another spoon of peanutty goodness into my mouth.
I was going to need it.