CHAPTERTWELVE
Ben
I stand outside Alex’s new house, a few feet from the gate, a bottle of wine in one hand and some flowers in the other. It seemed like the right thing to bring, the appropriate thing.
And that’s what tonight is about.
Appropriate.
There’s going to be no stolen kisses, no lust-filled looks. I’m going to be the most well-behaved an animal can be.
That’s what she makes me. A beast.
I can feel it happening now, and I haven’t even laid eyes on her yet. My whole body tremors as I walk the final few steps and press the doorbell.
The speakers' crackle as the microphone turns on. I can hear music in the background, a woman’s voice raised, and then Alex’s voice comes over the intercom.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.”
“Ah, awesome. Come in, bro.”
There will always be a warm welcome for me here. And why shouldn’t there be? Alex and I made our fortune together. He was with me at my mother’s funeral. I was his best goddamn man.
It’s like I need to remind myself of these facts as I walk up the gravel driveway. I parked a few streets over, knowing there were going to be a few cars in the drive. I didn’t want to get blocked in.
Like a criminal, I’m thinking of the getaway. I’m thinking of what I’ll have to do if I somehow ruin this.
I imagine blurting out during dinner, “I kissed Becca. But it’s worse than that. I want to make her pregnant. It’s all I can think about. I want to claim her, for life, for me. I want to make her mine. Nobody else ever gets to touch her.”
“Oh, Ben, how lovely.”
Tiffany jolts me from the whirlpooling thoughts, clasping her hands to her chest as she stands in the doorway. She’s one of the happiest people I’ve ever met, reminding me of Alex. Both of them seem to glow with the joy of being married.
She takes the wine and the flowers, gesturing for me to walk through the open-plan entrance way into the living room. The music plays softly, the chit-chat rising above it.
Luckily, the room is fairly packed with people. I spot a few of Tiffany’s friends, a couple of buddies from the gym, as well as a few people the same age as Alex’s parents. Alex’s Mom and Dad are in the corner, talking with a man in a suit I don’t recognize.
Near the sound system, on the other side of the room, sits Becca’s friend, June. I remember her name because it’s the fake one Becca gave me back when this started.
It was so simple then. I saw this woman, knew I had to have her, and bang. That was it. No brother, no best friend, no pain.
“Glad you could make it.” Alex strides over, clapping me on the arm. “Get you a drink?”
“A water’s fine.”
“Awesome. Two secs.”
I smile and wave when Becca’s father spots me. He grins and waves in return, and I wonder what he’d say if he knew the truth. It’s a thought which returns to me over the next few minutes as I greet people and make small talk.
What would they say if they knew?
I can’t stop myself from wondering where Becca is. As the minutes pass and I talk with Roger and Cassandra about the new real estate ventures – Becca’s parents are easy to talk to – I find myself scanning the room.
She has to be here somewhere. But I can’t come outright and ask. It wouldn’t make sense for Alex’s friend to be so concerned about that.
Or would the question really be innocent, and guilt is making me overthink it?