My Brother's Best Man

CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE

Becca

We have to tell him.

My mind plays Ben’s words repeatedly, remembering how he frowned at me last night. I thought I might take some photographs on the way to dinner, but as I walk through the park, I find it difficult to even raise my camera.

It’s been a week since Ben and I first had sex.

And it’s been….

I stop at a tree, watching it, my mind tossing up the dozens of ways this could make a good photo.

It’s been perfect, this time with Ben.

We’ve spent every chance we get together, making love, having sex – which are two different things, I’m learning – and just generally being together.

It’s so good to sit in his office with him, my laptop open, tapping away at photography work as he makes calls or answers business emails. We’ll look up and catch the other person’s eyes, both of us smiling at the sheer casual glory of it.

We’ve been having sex at least twice a day, sometimes more, once four times. We go into crazy mode, and we can’t help ourselves.

After the first time, I learned just how good it could feel. I find it difficult to resist him when he starts touching me in that special way. Whenever his hand slides up my leg, pressing down on my sex, all I can do is remember how it felt when he came inside of me the first time.

He was hunched over, his rock-hard torso pressed against my back, his forearm making my nipples tingle as he cradled me. Despite the position, it was almost tender toward the end, as though he was taking me in a primal and a loving way.

Love.

There’s a word that’s taunted me the past week, but I can’t let myself say it, not until Alex knows.

In a strange quirk of fate, Ben and I are going on a double date with Alex and Tiffany.

Of course, Alex isn’t thinking of it that way. But apparently, Tiffany wanted a double date and Alex, always the caring husband, wanted to oblige.

“But the problem is, sis,” he told me, “I don’t really know any couples. Or like any. So I thought I could invite you and Ben and have a few laughs and have a good time. Is that okay?”

I told him yes. At this point, I’d agree to anything Alex asked me if only so I don’t have to think about all the ways I’m betraying him.

As I leave the tree, I think about the conversation with Ben yesterday. The way he laid his fists down on the kitchen island and stared firmly at me, his naked torso making my mind and my body do funny things.

“I know it’s hard, Becca. But we have to…we have to tell him.”

This is the only thing we argue about. And really, it’s not an argument. It’s a disagreement.

And really, fine, it’s not even that.

I don’t disagree that we need to tell Alex. I just can’t stop thinking about how much it’s going to hurt him when we do.

“But what’s the alternative?” Ben asked yesterday. “We can’t go on like this forever. And I can’t leave you, Becca bee. I could never leave you. What the hell are we supposed to do?”

I told Alex – and Ben – I’d meet them at the restaurant. I wanted time to think beforehand, but I realize I failed as I walk up the street. I didn’t think in the cab ride over, didn’t think during the walk, didn’t think at all.

I can imagine Alex’s face, his features twisted in anger, his eyes wide and glaring and filled with hate.

“How could you do this?”

I approach the restaurant, steadying my breathing.

Ben agreed we wouldn’t tell him tonight, but it doesn’t mean seeing Alex is easy.