My heart slammed against my rib cage, and the phantom pain in my back made itself known once again, like scorching-hot nails tearing up my spine.
The nightmares were frequent, and they were so bad it was as if I were living in that moment once again, experiencing the torture, the cruelty, and the absolute horror of what they’d taken from me.
For a moment my mind was discombobulated, confusing my reality.
But when I opened my eyes and inhaled deeply, I took in the dank cave and heard the trickling of water.
I’m not back there. It wasn’t real.
I felt the sensation of being watched.
My gaze darted to the entrance of the cave, where I saw Sebastian standing. His big, tall form was shrouded in shadows, his eyes glowing red.
Despite his somewhat unnerving presence, I couldn’t help but feel myself start to calm with the knowledge that he was here.
But then I took in his stance. His hands were curled into tight fists at his sides, and I could see him flexing and relaxing them over and over again. His chest was pumping up and down, and he emitted a low growl as if he were a wild beast unable to control himself.
“You were dreaming.” His voice was guttural. Frighteningly low.
I scrubbed a hand over my face, my brow dotted with perspiration, my mind still trying to catch up with reality.
“A nightmare,” I corrected. “It was nothing.” The lie came easier than I expected, but I was desperate for him to stop watching me, because his gaze told me he could see right through the facade.
“It didn’t sound like nothing.” His eyes seemed to glow brighter. “You were whimpering, asking them to stop hurting you.”
I bit my tongue and looked away, hating that anyone saw me like that.
“I wanted to go to you.”
I shook my head and reached for the bag, grabbed the canteen, and took a long drink from it, the water tasting stale and warm. “I’m glad you didn’t,” I whispered. “It would have made it so much worse.” Because anyone seeing me broken in that way is a shame I hate feeling.
“I was standing guard at the entrance of the cave when I heard you making noises. You screamed. I was ready to kill whatever was harming you.”
I snapped my gaze back to him, surprised at the warmth I felt at his admission that he would have hurt whatever was causing me pain.
But my default was sarcasm, so I teased, “It’s a good thing you didn’t come to me.” I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and tossed the almost empty canteen back into the bag. “I probably could’ve done some serious damage to you.”
I eyed his big body, knowing there was no way I could do any kind of damage to a male his size.
He stood there in silence just watching me, and in turn I sat there in uncomfortable tenseness waiting for him to say whatever it was that was on the tip of his tongue.
“Do you want to talk—”
“No.” I cut him off and closed my eyes tightly, hating that the nightmare stuck with me well after I’d already woken and knew I was no longer trapped in that situation.
But my back still burned, that pain I knew would stay with me forever, a lingering companion. It had taken months for those wounds to heal, for them to scab over and become the scars I now carried as a constant reminder.
I cleared my throat again. “No. It’s fine. I’m fine.” I was trying to convince myself more than him.
I stood and stared at the still-burning fire, realizing he must’ve added more wood and stoked it.
“How long was I out?”
He leaned against the rocky wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “A couple of hours, from what I can gauge anyway. Go back to sleep. Let me protect you. I’ll kill anything that comes close.”
Despite not wanting to, I felt the corner of my mouth lift. It was hard to keep my bitchy attitude in place when he said things that were pretty damn sweet.
“Is that your default?”
He lifted a dark brow.
“To just kill any threat?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation.
I felt an unexpected warmth bloom between my thighs when hearing him say that, as if the prospect of him being violent to protect me… turned me on.
I’m losing my damn mind.
“I know what it’s like, to have your demons haunt you long after they’ve been killed.”
His voice was low and deep, almost so low I didn’t know if I heard him correctly. But he stared at me as if he knew what I’d dreamed about, as if he’d plucked the images from my mind and saw for himself what they’d done to me.
I opened my mouth, not sure what I was going to say, because the truth was, the prospect of opening up to Sebastian didn’t sound all that… wrong. My heart cried out to share my pain, to let someone hold me and tell me everything was okay. But I was afraid, terrified of losing control, not with him but with myself.