“To fix it,” she whispers, tone indecipherable.
“Yeah…”
I had an uncanny ability to keep going, I realize. I had lived through a shooting, hiding under a booth of a fish and chip shop, and yet I went to school the very next week like nothing happened.
It was a little disturbing, but I think I learned to separate myself from trauma. Maybe the night I thought I was going to die at the hands of Rick the Dick altered me.
Maybe that’s why I’m here, in this godforsaken shithole, able to talk about these events without falling apart.
“By the way, why didn’t you tell Leo that your mother slapped you?” Fay wonders then. “Or did you?”
I shrug. “I didn’t want anyone to think badly of her. I didn’t even tell Kurt about it, and she was ashamed.”
Was it messed up that I said nothing? That, despite her losing it at me, blocking my path and then hitting me, I didn’t want to tarnish her image to the world?
There’s a lot of things I don’t have an easy answer to, and my inner conflict about her still rages on.
My arms are still sore, and my body is growing weak from hunger. I’m so thirsty, I feel dizzy. I drop down to the ground, resting my back against the door and shut my eyes.
“Just need to rest,” I whisper, groggy. “Just for a little bit.”
Judging by their silence, I think they’re resting too.
*
“Do you know how many times we’ve thought of this? How long we’ve wanted this, Skye? We want you so bad, sweetness…”
I’m weak and slow.
I’m hardly able to pay attention to my surroundings. All my body wants to do is sleep.
“Can we touch you, Skye?”
A shiver runs through me. Images of them touching me flare through my mind. My skin heats, reminders of their touch lingering on my skin like it’s etched on me. A tattoo of their mouths, of their licks, of their fierce kisses. A searing feeling tugs at my lower belly, like I’ve been prodded inside with a blazing fire hook.
“I’m scared we won’t be the same.”
I gasp awake, aware of the door shuddering behind me. My body is shoved out of the way as I crack my eyes open, watching figures stream into the room.
Voices come from all directions. Calloused hands touch me, fingers prodding at my face and neck. “She needs water, and food…”
I try to flick my face away, but the hands grow rough, forcing me in place. All at once, they let go and I slump there on the ground, shaking my head.
“These two stay…this one leaves now…”
My head pounds as I force myself up, and then I hear whimpers. The girls start to scream, and this time it’s like a shock to my system. I rouse out of my grogginess, blinking rapidly, vision clearing—
Fay screams, “No, no, no!”
And then Britney is being dragged, bucking, legs kicking wildly. She sobs, begs, and I don’t stop to think. I leap at her body, grabbing at her leg, trying to pull her—
Hands gather around my hair, tugging sharply. “Let her go!” a man growls, but I don’t.
I look into Britney’s horrified eyes, at the tears streaming from her eyes, and shake my head, pleading, “Leave her! Take me, take me, take me—”
An arm wraps around my waist and I’m violently pulled back, my grip ripping from her leg. I get thrown to the ground, landing on my back hard. A sharp cough escapes me, and pain radiates down my neck and spine. I try to get up, but I’m so dazed, the room is spinning—
Britney’s screams are so loud, my ears ring.
They have her dragged out of the room in under a few seconds, and then the door is slammed shut. A lock twists in place, and we have to hear her screams fade one step at a time.
“Oh, my God,” Fay pants beside me. “Oh, my God, oh, my God…”
I’m paralyzed, coated in terror, when another moment flashes before my eyes, like I’m right fucking there with him, standing in the rain—
“You looked at me when he took you on that bed, when he fucked you. You staredmein the eyes,” his voice grew rougher as he pushed out, “But when those guys came through, when they threatened you…you looked tohim.”
“I’m sorry,” I say aloud, hardly able to draw a breath in as Britney’s scream fade away. “I’m sorry…”