Chapter 21
Ava
Did I do the right thing? At this point, what is the right thing?
After I’d told Misha that we needed space, he’d looked back at me with haunted eyes and then his shoulders slumped. He left after that. Hadn’t even put on his clothes.
Just walked away.
I felt like the worst person in the world.
Something inside me died.
Misha killed those men for me. He protected me. And still I couldn’t help that I was terrified of him.
Off in the distance, the door closed.
He left.
Panic welled in my chest.
Did I do the right thing? What else can I do? I can’t even think.
I missed him the moment he was gone. Too scared of everything he’d confessed, I didn’t want him to stay. And the moment Misha walked off, I didn’t want him to go.
A hot tear rolled down my cheek. There’d been no reason to cry. I hadn’t lost anyone. I counted my blessings, that I stopped shaking. Meanwhile, worrisome thoughts plagued me.
I did the right thing? Maybe? I don’t know. Am I supposed to be with a killer? Even if he was defending me? That’s different. Is it? Maybe.. But. . .he scares me. Can I get over it?
In my mind, I saw the dead man being carried out of Akiva’s office.
My stomach violently twisted.
Hot bile rushed up my throat.
Oh God.
I ran to the bathroom, ready to vomit everywhere. I barely made it to the toilet. Everything from earlier today left me, including some of the whiskey I’d sipped.
When my stomach emptied, an agonizing loneliness drowned me.
I clung to the edge of the toilet seat, heaving more, but nothing came.
Sweat slicked over my forehead.
Panting, I dragged myself away from the toilet, washed my hands, and brushed my teeth.
Don’t think about it anymore. There’s nothing I can change.
After brushing my teeth, I washed my hands. Over and over. Lathering my fingers in soap and rinsing them off. And then repeated. Filling my hand with more soap and rinsing once again.
Minutes later, the pads of my fingers had wrinkled.
They’re clean. Calm down. Get out of here.
Those moments kept playing out in my head like a bad movie.
I’d asked him in the limo. “Y-you killed them?”
Misha hadn’t looked my way. “Yes.”
My feet barely moved as I walked like a zombie into my bedroom.
Later I’d asked, “What happened to my grandmother?”
“He sort of kidnapped her.”
I stood in the middle of my room, not ready to lay or sit down. I couldn’t even find the energy to pace. I raised both of my hands and covered my ears as if that could silence all the conversations in my head.
Like a fool, I’d hurried after him during the chaos. “Wait. You called the cops?”
Misha had been so calm, after killing the men. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“To help with the bodies.”
I gripped the sides of my head and then I moved them away and fisted my fingers at my sides. This couldn’t be my life. I’d just experienced one of the best moments that one could happen to someone yesterday. Today, it had all harpooned into destruction.
I’d looked at him, scared that he would go to jail, or those men’s families would take revenge. “What’s going to happen to you now, Misha?”
“What do you mean?”
“The men you killed. They’re heavily—”
“Trust me. I can handle it.”
“Because. . .because you’re part of the Bratva.”
He’d pulled me into my arms.
Warm water sprayed on both of us.
“Misha?”
“I’m not completely connected to them, but my cousin is the head of it. No one would act against me, unless they were ready to deal with his wrath. And no one, not anyone wants that.”
Somehow I shut all the moments away.
I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I knew I had to be stronger. More craziness would come due to these deaths.
Frozen in horror and confusion, I didn’t know how long I stood in the center of my bedroom. The sun had set. Shadows loomed in my room. There, I remained, mumbling to myself. Skin dried. Hair too.
The only thing that saved me was Grandma.
She didn’t even knock on the door, just simply opened it, and walked in with another glass of whiskey filled with ice. “Are you hungry?”
I muttered, “No.”
“You can’t stand in here driving yourself insane all night.” She handed the glass to me. “Come on, baby. Sit out there with me, until you get sleepy.”
I grabbed the glass but didn’t drink. “His men kidnapped you.”
“He protected you today.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“We never know, when it comes to love.”
“But can’t you tell me?”
“These are your shoes to walk in, Ava. Yours.”
“You told me to stay away from bad boys.”
“I did, but I was glad he was there today. If not, it would’ve been me killing those men, and God knows they would’ve put me under the jail in this country.”
“You wouldn’t have—”
“We don’t know what most would do in a moment like that.” She rubbed my arm. “Stop thinking about it for now. Come out there with me.”