My anxiety returned.
I rose from the bed, went to the door, and opened it.
Yoshiro’s and Kevin’s voices sounded downstairs. The strip club owner hadn’t called. So far, there’d been no sign of Wyatt.
I sighed and closed the door.
For one night, I wouldn’t have to worry about Yoshiro or stress. I understood why he was doing it, but I still wished he wouldn’t go so hard with protecting us.
A shootout? Has he lost his mind? Coming in here looking like a Japanese Batman!
Shaking my head, I shut off the light and went back to bed.
What am I going to do with him?
I lay in bed, pulled the covers over me, and stared at the ceiling.
It had been forever since I slept in a bed alone. Smiling, I spread my legs wide and my arms too.
All mine! I could get used to this.
I’d been lying on the left side of the bed, close to the door as always. Just in case Wyatt barged in, I could be ready for him.
I don’t have to do that now.
I scooted over to the middle of the bed and spread my legs further.
Take that!
I giggled to myself and wondered how else I could make myself more comfortable. Now with privacy and the bed to myself, the options were limitless. Quickly, I grabbed all the pillows and put them under my head.
No. That’s a bit much. I’ll do two pillows though!
Smiling, I propped my head on both pillows and kicked the other ones off the bed.
I made sure Yoshiro’s bullet stayed under the bottom pillow.
Excitement raced through me. It was funny how the little things could bring so much enjoyment. I also realized in that moment that I had given up so much, during my escape from the monster.
Privacy.
Solo sleeping.
Yoshiro must’ve thought I was crazy for having all of the kids sleep in the room with me. Jesus, the kids must’ve thought I was crazy too.
No embarrassment came. I knew why I did it. Surely they did too.
I’m crazy. Who cares? Now everyone knows. I won’t make up excuses.
However, at the thought of Yoshiro, my body came up with other possibilities for this evening.
Jesus, when’s the last time I masturbated? Wait. Maybe, I shouldn’t ask Jesus that question.
I chuckled to myself. Hopefully, no one could hear me. They would’ve thought I was losing my mind in here.
But seriously? When’s the last time. . .I touched myself?
I swallowed and strained to come up with it. Years of memories went by and nothing came up.
Jesus. Wait. Stop saying Jesus.
Through my running, I guessed I’d been escaping myself too. Losing my femininity. Or more like avoiding my sexuality. Not wanting to be touched by anyone, not even myself.
It shocked me how much I hadn’t allowed myself to live. With these weeks of calm, I now couldn’t understand how I’d done it for three years. With Yoshiro, I was too relaxed. So at peace, I’d forgotten how to run. I no longer wanted to escape.
To keep this feeling. . .it is worth Wyatt’s death.
Yoshiro came up in my mind again. Him rushing into the house today—all black and muscular. Danger radiated off him.
There was no doubt in my mind that God had guided me here. This place felt like heaven. His touch was paradise. The feeling I experienced around him was like no other—protected, cared for, loved even.
I swallowed and looked around the dark room as if cameras were in here, monitoring me.
Can I touch myself? Of course I can. Why am I asking? Shit. I don’t know.
Still, I tossed the blankets off me, rushed to the door, and locked it.
Just in case. One of the kids could rush in from a nightmare and see something they shouldn’t.
I undressed. The whole time I checked around again like a looney person.
Relax. This is my time. It’s perfectly normal. Come on, Ebony. You may have not masturbated in a while, but you know how to do it.
Naked, I lay back down in bed and just breathed for a little bit, finding my bearing. A warm breeze brushed over my bare breasts, teasing my nipples. Slowly, they stiffened.
I need this. I deserve it. There’s nothing wrong with pleasuring myself.
It took another minute for me to relax. I closed my eyes and thought of Yoshiro. How could I not? Those kisses from earlier had blown me away. He’d wrapped his arms around me and fucked me with his tongue.
My body erupted with heat.
I licked my lips.
He was fine as hell too. The image of him shirtless overtook me. In the bed, I struggled with catching my breath. Those rippling muscles felt perfect under my palms. Even the small bruises on his golden skin did naughty things to my body. He’d gotten them for me—racing off into danger to keep the kids and I safe.
I went wet instantly.