Father Christmas

Wrong answer.She sees right through it, taking a step back and resting her hands on her hips. “You likethe color...”

I let go of Leena to wish her parents a Merry Christmas. As soon as the hellos are done and out of the way, she grasps my hand and announces we’re going upstairs to unpack.

She practically drags me into her room, which is located right next to mine.

“Okay,” she says. “What’s up with you?”

I perch on the edge of her bed. “Nothing’s wrong with me. I’m fine.”

“Bae, you’ve gained two cup sizes in three months, and since when are you allergic to color?”

“Gray is a color. Jeez, can’t a girl get chubby over the holidays?”

She folds her arms. “Astrid, you know I’d think you’re beautiful at any size, but this—” She gestures to my sweater. “—is more than a few extra helpings of Thanksgiving.”

I tuck my hands into my long sleeves. Lying to Leena doesn’t come easily. If I’m honest, I’m almost relieved when she says, “Just admit it, bae. You’re pregnant.”

I close my eyes and sigh. “Yes.”

After a long beat of silence, she takes a seat beside me.

“How? I mean, I get how, but what I mean is, who? Last time we talked, you still had your V-card firmly in hand. You work with your mom and you only go out when I drag you.”

I press the heels of my hands to my closed eyelids. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why the heck not?”

“Because if I do, it’ll change everything.”

“I think we’re past that point, bae, don’t you?”

I shake my head. I don’t want to tell Leena who the father of my baby is. I’m scared of what it will mean for him, for us, for our whole family. At the same time, I desperately want to say the words, I’m having Finn’s baby, aloud.

Because saying it will make it real, and if it’s real, it means the man I’ve loved since I was a little girl wanted me as much as I want him, if only for one night.

“If I tell you, you have to promise not to freak out.”

“I promise I’ll only freak out in private,” Leena says.

I suppose that’s good enough.

“It happened the night after Gran’s surgery...”