Reckless Love (Cowboys & Angels 7)

I nodded, trying to get the bile down in my throat.

She started pointing to different things and telling me what they were. My head was spinning. “This is her temperature monitor. This is her ECG and blood pressure monitor.”

Gummy Bear was attached to so many things. “What is that?” I asked, pointing to the tubes that were wrapped around each tiny foot.

“The oxygen saturation monitor and one of the IV pumps. This is her umbilical artery catheter.”

“Kacy, how in the world will we be able to hold her with all of this attached to her?”

She gave me a warm grin. “Trust me, you’ll be able to hold her. Would you like to introduce yourself now? I’m sure she’s ready to hear your voice, this time up close and personal.”

Taking in a deep breath, I slipped my hands into the incubator and picked up my daughter’s tiny hand, laying it in mine. It was so tiny, yet I could feel her strength.

“Hey there, Gummy Bear. It’s Daddy. You decided to surprise me and Mommy by coming to meet us early.”

When her little hand squeezed my pinky finger, I leaned my head on the incubator and cried. I wasn’t sure how to deal with a situation that was totally out of my control. Kacy put her arm around me to let me know she was there.

“I read a quote once about preemies. It’s always stuck in my mind. It said, ‘Having a premature baby is like getting one of God’s little miracles in the midst of their creation’. I always loved that.”

Through blurry, tear-soaked eyes, I stared at my daughter. Tubes and wires were everywhere in her incubator, but there she was, holding onto my finger. Telling me she wasn’t going to give up. She was going to be strong.

“I’ll never…I’ll never leave you ever, princess. Never. Mommy and Daddy are going to be here for you always. I love you so much.”

Clearing her voice, Kacy dropped her arm from me. “I’m going to let Daddy and daughter bond for a bit.”

I blocked out everything around me and focused on the little miracle. A small pink hat was on her head and I knew immediately what I had to do when I left the NICU. For now, though, I was going to be right here with my daughter, letting her know we were with her and that her mommy was going to be there soon.

“Mommy will be here later. I think we’ll get your schedule so they can time it. Maybe Mommy will be able to hold you because she’s waited an awfully long time to hold you and see your beautiful face. Can you wait just a bit longer for her, princess? She wants to be here so badly.”

Her little fingers gently squeezed my finger, and I fought to hold back the breakdown that was knocking at the door of my heart all over again.

Looking up, I took in the NICU. How long would we have to keep our daughter here? A month? Two? What would life be like once we did get her home? Could she travel with us to Ireland to the wedding? Would she need special medical care? I felt like I was caught between the bookends of this part of my life. I sort of knew where things were going, but I really had no fucking clue.

This wasn’t supposed to be how things happened. Scarlett was going to carry the baby full term. She would be born and placed in Scarlett’s arms right away. We were supposed to whisk her home, and everyone would go crazy over her.

My eyes landed back on my little Gummy Bear. She yawned and everything in that moment made complete sense.

I didn’t know why things worked out like they had, but I did know with all of my heart that everything was going to be okay. I needed to be strong for my two girls. I’d give myself one moment to lose my shit when I left here, and the moment I walked into Scarlett’s room, I was there for her one-hundred-and-ten percent.

A small shake of my shoulder had me opening my eyes. I had fallen asleep with my head on the baby’s incubator. My hand still in the incubator with my daughter’s fingers still wrapped around my pinky.

“You looked pretty peaceful sleeping and I hated waking you, but I figured you might want to get back to Mom.”

I dragged my free hand down my face. “Yes. I’m sorry about that.”

Kacy grinned. “Don’t apologize. We’re going to be waking baby Parker up in about an hour. If Mom is feeling up to it, she might want to hold her then.”

Gently letting go of my daughter’s hand, I stood. “Yes! She’ll want to. Let me head back to her room.”

With a slight chuckle, Kacy nodded. “Then I’ll see you soon.”