My Brother’s Best Friends

Charlie joined us on the side of the dance floor and looked like he was struggling to hold back his laughter. “Russ and Lisa are about to leave. They’re asking for you.”

I shrugged, already having decided that I was getting ice cream. Halfway across the gym, I stumbled over a fallen streamer and was saved by August. When someone bumped into him, he lost his balance, too, and we both went down. Unconcerned, I laughed heartily while Theo appeared and pulled me to my feet.

“Jesus, little sis. You just took down a Navy SEAL. That’s a record, I’m sure.” Russ and Lisa appeared in front of us, Russ just as drunk as any of the rest of us.

Lisa clapped her hands over my cheeks and grinned. “You have two dance styles, I’ve decided. Stripper and wacky, wavey, inflatable tube man.”

“Hey! I’ve never been a stripper. There was that one time I considered selling feet pics for money to pay for school, but I talked myself out of that.” When the group remained silent, I rolled my eyes. “What? I could’ve been selling pics of my butthole. I knew a girl who did that. She made so much money that she retired within a year. With that kind of temptation, it’s a miracle that I’m still schlumping it in the working world. Although, I’m not sure what quality of butthole is a top earning kind, you know? Bleached? Hairy? Hairless? There are just too many ways a butthole could be wrong.”

Russ covered his face. “Please, for the love of God, stop talking. You are my sister and I love you, but I want nothing more than to staple your lips closed right now.”

Lisa stared at my feet. “I bet you could’ve made good money selling feet pics. I think I could’ve sold pics of my ankles. I have great ankles.”

I looked down at them and nodded. “They didn’t even swell when you were pregnant!”

Russ glared at me. “Are you coming home with us?”

I shook my head. “We’re going to get ice cream!”

“Oh, I want ice cream!”

Russ shook his head at Lisa. “You’ve got ice cream at home. With whip cream. Remember?”

She blushed and giggled. “Oh, yeah. We have to go! Bye!”

Russ tried to ruffle my hair but I batted his hand away. “Be careful. Don’t stay out too late.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Aren’t you going to tell me to eat my vegetables?”

He flipped me the bird before disappearing with Lisa.

I turned around to find that I was standing in the middle of the three men that I had no business being alone with. Instead of feeling worried about my behavior, I leaned into whatever bad decisions drunk Reagan might want to make. Just because I’d made a few little mistakes before didn’t mean I would make them again. “Ice cream?”