Secrets & Submission

If I gave a fuck, I’d be ashamed of the mangled whimper that leaves me, but as it is, I don’t hide a thing from him. I want him to know what he does to me.

Kissing up my body, he leaves me wanting. His shoulders are foreboding as he cages me under him. The head of his cock teases my lips.

I’m ready to beg him, the words on the tip of my tongue, but they don’t make it out. He slams inside of me without any further warning. The sweet pain of being stretched steals my breath. His gaze pins me as much as his body does while my body attempts to accommodate him.

He stays there buried inside of me, ever my ruthless Dominant, while I can barely survive beneath him.

Lowering his lips to mine, he kisses me, sucking in my bottom lip as he pulls out slightly and then pushes himself all the way back in. The movement forces me to hold on to him.

He nips the lobe of my ear and groans, “I knew you’d feel like this … fucking perfect.”

Pulling back, he looks deep in my eyes and tells me, “I wanted to be controlled for you, I wanted to take it slow.” My breath is shuddery as he warns me, “But I’m not going to be able to do that this time.” Before I can respond, Zander lifts my hips slightly and well and truly fucks me.

I wanted him to take me, and that’s exactly what he does.

Pounding into me as if he needs me as much as I need him.

I shatter beneath him. My blunt nails dig into his shoulders and my body tenses around him. With my head thrown back, I’m lost in pleasure. Zander doesn’t stop, he rides through my orgasm and every thrust brushes against my clit, heightening the overwhelming bliss.

The sounds of flesh hitting flesh intensify as my arousal spreads between us. It seems to only spur him on, to fuck me hard and faster, to take from me over and over again. I writhe under him as the intensity climbs again, the cliff I’ll fall from seemingly higher.

I can barely breathe as the next crashes through me and my neck arches. With the chill of the air hitting my heated face, I scream out his name as my body tenses and every nerve ending blazes. It starts from the pit of my belly and then rages outward.

Zander sucks and nibbles my neck, as I do everything I can to get a grip, to come back down from the highest high. But I can’t. His hips piston relentlessly, never giving me a moment to gather purchase. Instead, he kisses me, he fucks me, and his grip keeps me pinned beneath him, leaving me without any mercy at all.

“Zander.” His name is a plea on my lips, one he doesn’t take. Repositioning my leg higher up, he slams into me, groaning his pleasure into the crook of my neck. I can’t help but to cry out my scream of pleasure as he fucks me deeper. Clawing at his back, the mix of pain and pleasure threatens to destroy me. To ruin me.

I try to plead with him, to call out his name. “Z” is barely a whisper as his pace picks up.

Pink.I nearly cry out pink as he thrusts himself inside of me and leaves himself there, his cock pulsing as yet another orgasm paralyzes me.

My heart hammers and my body trembles. It takes me far too long to release, and he’s finished with me that time. Leaving my legs shaking. With his forearms braced on either side of my head, he whispers kisses along my jaw and then down my neck, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake.

If I could find my voice, I’d tell him he wrecked me. I’ve had sex plenty throughout my life, although it’s been so long now. I’ve had lovers and one-night stands; I’ve had a Dom and a husband who loved me and fucked me thoroughly.

This, though, this shattering and feeling bared in a way that’s far too vulnerable… This feels like the first time. It feels like Zander’s taken something from me I didn’t realize I had to give.

He commands me to spread my legs for him, and I do, although they still tremble. He cleans me and I can barely hear him, his shadow moving across the room and then to the bathroom. Turning to my side, I curl up and still, I can’t steady myself.

It feels as if everything has changed. It was so slow this morning, so slow for weeks, and then it happened. In a single moment. He took me there and I know there’s no going back.

He climbs back into bed, the frame groaning from his weight. The covers rustle as he lays behind me and then pulls me in close to him. The tip of his nose runs along the curve of my neck, his hand gripping my hip. He leaves a chaste kiss just under the shell of my ear and with the shiver of desire running down my body, I’m reminded of how sore he’s left me.

“Zander,” I whisper his name, still breathless, still unable to move just yet. His lips are pressed against my hair and he kisses me there before that deep, rough hum rumbles up his chest.

Without turning to face him, without having that much courage I tell him, “I think I want more than to just be your client …” My cadence is shaky when I add, not daring to close my eyes, “I want more than to just be your submissive.”

There’s a beat and then another beat of silence. And then another. Too much time passes with him still behind me, not moving, not saying a word. Betrayal grips my heart and fears run rampant in the back of my mind.

“We have what we have right now, Ella.”

He says Ella, not “little bird.”

I only nod, my cheek still firm against the pillow. It takes great effort not to let on how much it hurts. How much pain sits against my chest.

We have what we have.Those are not the words of a man who feels the same as what I feel. I remember falling … and I remember heartbreak just as well.