Secrets & Submission

ELLA

“So would you say you’re happy with how things have been going?” Kam asks as we stop in front of the large paned windows so I can peek into the boutique shop.

The tissue paper peeking out from the thick, pearly black shopping bag tickles my wrist as I sway to face him.

He nods toward the bag. “Not the shopping. I already know you’re happy about the shoes for this weekend's social.”

Damon, Kam and, more appropriately, Kelly and Trish said I need to get back on the scene. So long as it goes well, everything else should fall into place. Kam said this weekend is the first piece. If my life is back to what it was, if everyone sees me and there’s no sign or evidence that I’m unwell, the judge should be moved to dissolve the initial ruling.

Hopefully. The weekend is step one and I’ll be wearing Manolos for the occasion.

“Seriously though, gorgeous.” I’m on a mission to pick out a dress that will knock Zander on his ass too. I also bought a small riding crop. It’s harmless enough and mostly a gag gift, but I intend to be playful after the party.I’m not exactly sure, but I imagine he’ll allow me to amuse myself and then show me what he can do with that riding crop.

My cheeks heat and I nearly trip in my heels. “It been ages,” I say, defending myself against Kam’s smirk when he catches my arm. “Leave me alone,” I answer playfully.

“So … are you happy?”

“Am I happy? I am.”

“With everything … are you …” he hesitates but with a deep breath, he presses on as we continue our walk down the storefront. “How are you doing with James’s …” He doesn’t say death. He doesn’t say it, but I hear it.

To anyone else it may seem like we’re a well-dressed couple, out for a luncheon or perhaps they can tell we’re only friends. To me, this feels like freedom. Although some thoughts and emotions still feel imprisoned.

“More than I have been. It still … it still hurts sometimes.”

“Are you nervous about anyone bringing it up?”

“Zander will be there,” is all I can answer.

“Right.” Kam nods. “He’ll take care of you, but I want you to know you’re handling it well on your own too.”

I wish I had a retort that wasn’t sarcastic. As it stands, all I’m thinking is that I can now add “grieves well” to my resume.

“If all goes well, we should be able to request a psych eval.”

His statement stops me in my tracks, although the bag hanging from the crook of my arm continues to swing.

A thought hits me that I haven’t considered. “The Firm would leave?”

“When you pass the eval, two things will happen. The first is that the judge can order their dismissal entirely.”

“What about Damon?”

Kam’s brow scrunches, not understanding for a moment. And then my concern registers, his eyes widening when it does.

“I want to continue my sessions. I’m not a fool. I’m doing better because of him.”

“We can continue their service even if it’s not judge ordered.

“The second thing … we can request a hearing on your conservatorship.”

“When would we schedule that?”

“Not until you pass the mental health check and The Firm agrees to their dismissal without complaint.”

My heels click on the sidewalk aswe near the end of the row, with Tiffany’s perched on the corner and the sweet smell of pastries from a Brew & Cap coffee shop we just passed surrounds us.

“One thing at a time.”