Secrets & Submission

“I’m going to fuck the wild out of you, El.” James’s whispered words echo in my mind. Tears stream down my face and I can’t stop them. Huddled into a ball in the corner of some utility closet, I don’t really know, it’s so dark, I’m rocking back and forth. All I can do is cry, grieving for a man who loved me truly and deeply.

My hands tremble, my body’s shaking. With my hair stuck to the side of my face, I let the cold seep in. Needing to feel anything at all. I’ve gone numb. Numb all over.

I feel it happening again, this darkness that takes over as I gasp in air and wish it would all stop. I’m slipping backward faster than I ever could have imagined.

In the distance I hear Zander calling my name. Once, twice, then it fades. At least it gave me a moment to breathe.

I don’t want to be this way.

It was a moment. Only a moment.

There’s only one truth that I know as I sit here in the cold dark. I’m not okay.