Secrets & Submission

ZANDER

It’s tense as Cade and I sit facing one another on the opposite ends of the meeting table in The Firm’s temporary office. Damon’s here too. Along with the rest of the guys.

Anxiousness creeps up the back of my neck, but I do everything I can to shake it off. It didn’t hit me in the moment, but looking back on it, I’m sure I lost the respect from the members of The Firm. What happened … I’d do it all over again. There’s no way I could ever not be with her. She’s mine and she’s meant to be mine. But that doesn’t mean I’m proud of how it happened. Or that I can’t acknowledge I made mistakes that put The Firm and even Ella, at risk.

With a steady inhale, I keep my composure and wait for the mandatory meeting to begin. No doubt it was ordered by Judge Martel.

Scanning the room, it’s obvious no one is comfortable. We’re all a little restless. I can tell by the way Damon taps his foot and keeps checking the large clock on the wall. He’s not usually one to get antsy about meetings, but he’s right now, he’s impatient.

“So.” Cade taps a stack of papers against the desk, straightening them. “We have our update on the conservatorship to submit to the judge. Here’s what we’re handing in, Zander.”

Shock lifts my eyes to his and then back down to the report.

He pushes the papers toward me. It’s a slim file. There is no legal reason I should see this right now. That anxiousness increases tenfold thinking there must be something damaging, something my brother is letting me see ahead of time to save our personal relationship.

I’m silent as I page through it carefully. When it came to Ella, I let my emotions get the better of me. I acted recklessly, but I’m not going to do it now.

I read the cover sheet, the second page, the third and so forth. Then I flip back to the beginning and read it again. All the while the men watch silently. The clock ticks incessantly.

Then I look into Cade’s eyes. “This report leaves out a few things.”

It’s an intense statement to make. At The Firm, we pride ourselves on our integrity. Clients can trust us not to misrepresent the situation. This report Cade handed me might not contain outright lies about her progress, but it does tell a different story from the full truth of the last few weeks.

“I didn’t think some details were necessary to include.” Cade’s talking about the night they caught me with Ella. My expulsion is also not included in the update.

It doesn’t say that I’ve been disciplined in any way.

The report doesn’t capture my brother’s disappointment in me or how shaken Damon was when he realized what I’d been doing. There’s nothing about the two of us other than that there is now a personal relationship that is deemed appropriate by The Firm. Appropriate.

“What does this mean?” I question.

My brother takes in a steadying breath, his thumb tapping lightly. There’s a seriousness about him but something else is there in his gaze. “You are no longer removed. That was a temporary status. You are back as a member of The Firm.”

Once again, shock hits me. He pulls something out from under the table. It’s my gun in its holster.

I look at him, then stare at the gun. It’s only now that I’m able to admit to myself how much I wanted this. I didn’t want to be kicked out of The Firm. I was willing to live the rest of my life with the loss of it if that’s what I had to do to keep Ella. But I never wanted to be separated from my brother this way. From all my brothers. I never wanted to be on the outside like this.

I’m afraid it’s too good to be true. I’m afraid to even reach for the gun.

“Are you sure?”

He nods, but then I look at the other guys one by one. “I don’t want this to be a split decision,” I tell them all. It’s possible there was a vote and some people didn’t agree.

“It was unanimous,” Damon says, cracking a smile. “We had a long-ass meeting about it.” His smile widens and he adds, “We all want you back.”

I haven’t been this relieved since I brought Ella back from the brink after her breakdown. I feel like I’m taking a real breath for the first time in days.

“Go ahead,” Cade says.

This moment feels as important as the first day I signed on with The Firm.

I lift the gun carefully from the table, stand up, and put my holster back in its place. When I sit down, Cade is pushing something else across the table to me.

My ID.

Those are the only two things I needed.

“How’s it feel?” Cade asks and for the first time all day, he grins at me, everything feeling lighter.